Conference call part 2

Hmmm...while I want to fill everyone in on every detail, I don't think that is appropriate. I will say what I think is fair game though.

My one burning question was why she chose us. Her answer was because she wanted a mother and a father that supported success. She liked that we were both doctors and felt like we would set him up and push success in his life. She wants him to go to college and get a good career and thought that parents who had gone down that road would be more likely to raise him to want that as well. Secondly, she had always been into horses growing up, but had only spent a small amount of time in lessons until the money ran out and she felt a commonality with us through that as well.

She was worried that our jobs could be very stressful. Her mother was a cardiac nurse and brought her job stress home with her frequently. I told her that while residency has been stressful at times, that I chose this field because of the generally flexible hours and no life and death type situations. Dusty also reassured her that his job is also nice in the fact that he can get challenged and there are cases he worries over, but that he is able to leave work at work most of the time.

There was a lot of personal talk about her situation and us and what we are expecting. It was nice and calming to talk to her because she is a very intelligent woman who knows what she wants. She has a plan and I am hopeful that things will work out.

As for the baby, she told us that she will not be naming him and that any name that we come up with will go on his birth certificate. That was exciting news!! Some women choose to name the baby and then the adoptive parents change it at the 6 month mark once everything is finalized. We are 99% sure we have agreed upon a name, but I won't reveal it just yet.

She also has a birthing plan. Talking to our case worker, she said that they send a social worker out to speak to the birth mother about 4 weeks before the due date to discuss this. I don't think it will be a long conversation. She said that she is having a c-section and that she does not want to hold the baby at all after he is born. She will not have any family or friends with her and asked that Dusty or I (or both if they let us) be present to accept the baby. We will then be cleaning him up and feeding him while they finish up working on her. After that she doesn't want ot see him or hold him at all during the hospitalization. It is not that she doesn't care for him, but that she has made up her mind that this is what is best and does not want emotions to overtake her in the end. This will be a very wonderful time for us if it goes according to the plan :)

She then asked us if we want her to pump for the first time so that he gets his colostrum. We agreed that this is important for him to have. She bottle fed her first son and said that she had tried pumping, but it did not work and she did not really produce anything. If she can do it, we would like her to pump just once for us and then he will be on formula after that.

She then offered suggestions on what worked best for her with her other son with diapers (she likes Luvs) and formula (she eventually liked simulac). She said that there are ready to feed bottles that are a little more pricey but are just mix in the bottle and go and that those are a life saver if you are in a hurry.

In the end we also agreed to go out and meet her and her first son in October. Our case worker had suggested a meeting prior to the birth to make it less awkward and our birthmother agreed. We will only be able to sneak out for a Fri-Sun, so not much time with her, but she understands that we need to save all of our time off for when the baby is here.

Then she sent me the ultrasound pics which were soooo amazing to see. She already referred to him as "your son" and it sent shivers down my back. I am being a little removed emotionally though because it will just be devastating if she does change her mind. If I can be a little removed until then at least it won't kill me.

We are going to keep in touch over the next month until we meet up with her and then continue that until the birth. So exciting!!! I never imagined going through all of this when I pictured being a mother, but I will tell you one thing. If any adopted child ever feels like they are unwanted, they should learn about the process because it is a huge ordeal and anyone who goes through all of this REALLY wants that child.