Phase 2 continued
Ok..where was I? We are responsible for birthmother expenses once we agree to the match except for medical bills.
I asked our case worker if a birthmother could agree to a match with us through our agency and to another couple through another agency and collect money from both. I know, I can be pretty cynical, but you have to think of everything. I suppose they could always do this, but it is illegal to do so. A birthmother can only legally collect expenses from one source. If she does try to be sneaky and gets caught there are big penalties.
Then I asked our case worker what happens to those 10% of couples/people who are helping out all along and at the birth the birthmother changes her mind and decides to keep and raise the baby. Basically you are just SOL. First off, even if you could ask for it all back, the chances that she has any money laying around to give you are basically none. So good luck getting any. Second of all, it was charity to begin with so legally you can't ask or get any money back. I guess you just have to look at it like you helped someone out through tough times. Honestly, if this happens to us the last thing we will be thinking about is money. We will be so heart broken over coming so close and being so excited that we really won't care.
There is some help though. Once you have been through this and the birthmother changes her mind, you are placed on the "emergency" list if you so choose. This list is only for those people who have had a match fall through due to this scenario or if you ahve been waiting over 2 years. The emergency list is used for those birthmothers who did not have a plan for adoption in place prior to the birth and then decide to adopt. I am not 100% sure how you are chosen - I think it is still based on your profile and she gets to choose, but there are also times when she gives her requirements to the agency and then they pick based on numerous factors. Either way, the child has been born (but is still an infant, they get on board while the mother is still in the hospital immediately after birth or even a day or so before) and so when you are chosen and agree to the match, there are no living expenses at all. It ends up being a wash in the end money wise, but not stress wise.
The other thing our agency does is to forgive any legal expenses for that child. Once a match has been agreed upon, certain behind the scenes legal things occur with papers, court orders, and such. There are of course expenses for this that are not charged for until later. Any outstanding fees that have accrued for this specific match are forgiven and erased by our agency for us.
I think that is about it for phase 2. Phase 3 is up next....
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Bassinet Pics
Here is the bassinet my mom bought for us. I think it is just perfect!
I love the fact that it could be for a boy or a girl without being grey and ugly like the other ones I saw. It is very easy to put up and comes with a carrying bag and wheels so you can take it with you if you travel anywhere.
The changing table is rated for up to 30 pounds and easily swings over and fold flat against the side when you don't need to use it. I didn't get a picture, but the is a giraffe print tray and storage area on the outside of the side with the changing table for diapers and baby powder etc...The table folds over the top of it so you don't have to remove it.
Once the baby is big enough to pull him/herself upright the mattress can be removed and the unit used as a playpen until the child is old enough to get out of it by him/herself.
We are planning to keep it in our bedroom at first until we are comfortable enough to move it to the nursery room. This should help limit the need for a real crib for a bit so we don't buy one and it get ruined in the move next year.
I love the fact that it could be for a boy or a girl without being grey and ugly like the other ones I saw. It is very easy to put up and comes with a carrying bag and wheels so you can take it with you if you travel anywhere.
The changing table is rated for up to 30 pounds and easily swings over and fold flat against the side when you don't need to use it. I didn't get a picture, but the is a giraffe print tray and storage area on the outside of the side with the changing table for diapers and baby powder etc...The table folds over the top of it so you don't have to remove it.
Once the baby is big enough to pull him/herself upright the mattress can be removed and the unit used as a playpen until the child is old enough to get out of it by him/herself.
We are planning to keep it in our bedroom at first until we are comfortable enough to move it to the nursery room. This should help limit the need for a real crib for a bit so we don't buy one and it get ruined in the move next year.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Q&A Session 2: Expense Part 2a of 3
Yes, we are still alive and kicking. It has been an incredibly busy couple of weeks and has nothing to do with the adoption unfortunately. Just life getting in the way again.
I don't know if I had mentioned, but my parents came to visit over the Memorial Day weekend and my mom bought us a really cute unisex bassinet that I just love. It is a tan giraffe print on top with bright green piping and a dark brown lower portion. The mattress has a giraffe, monkey, elephant and something else I can't remember right now on it as does the little plush mobile. It also makes soothing noises and has a changing table. She also got us a really adorable swing that is the most plush fleece I have felt and is a sheep pattern. I'd sleep in the thing if I could fit! Of course the cats helped to inspect everything and make sure it is comfortable and easy to use. I will post pictures when I am at home.
Well, back to talking about the expense associated with all this. Where was I? Phase 2 I think.
Phase 2:
This is the more interesting part when it comes to talking about expenses. Phase 2 begins once the match has been made and accepted by both the birthmother and the prospective adopting parents and ends once the baby is born (or one or both parities changes their mind, but lets not think about that).
It is illegal to exchange money for a child. That was called slavery. Most of the birthmothers need help, however, and it in not illegal to provide for the birthmother which is an act of charity. Basically, in this phase, once we have accepted a match we take over responsibility for living expenses for the birthmother until the baby is born. This is why there is such a large range given for the overall cost. Think of it like this example:
Birthmother #1: A 16 year old girl going to high school in the middle of nowhere Wyoming and living with her parents. She chooses us with 2 weeks left to go.
Birthmother #2: A 30 year old single woman with a small apartment in downtown Manhattan living alone and unable to work due to the pregnancy. She chooses us with 3 months to go.
Obviously the second birthmother will require a lot more money during this phase than the first. What are we responsible for?
- Rent
- Food money
-Utilities
- Getting to and from the doctor for pregnancy related visits
- Fun money to pass away the time
We are not responsible for any medical related fees, since all pregnant women in the USA are immediately placed on Medical Assistance if not on insurance already.
When we created our account with the agency they asked us what range of birthmother expenses we were willing/able to allow - low, medium, high. We chose high, not because we have a money tree out back, but really, in the grander scheme of things it wasn't a breaking point. It also would not eliminate any potential women just based on that. If we did get chosen by someone that would end up requiring way more than we are prepared for, we would have the decision to say no to the match.
While I am not 100% sure on the exact way it is handled, I know that we have a pool of money with the agency (all on the credit card, ick) for this reason (or will have anyway once we get chosen). Every expense must be cleared by us in advance, so the birthmother can't decide to go on a weekend get-a-way at the spa and charge us for it. Or tell us that she needs $1,000 for groceries this week. What I don't know yet is if she pays for it herself up front and then submits a receipt and request for money or if she asks before she spends it. Either way, we get to say yes or no with the understanding that we can't say no to everything or basic needs. It is more for the fun things - like going to get a pedicure or to rent a movie etc...
This does also depend on the state she lives in. Pennsylvania does not allow any money for any reason at all. Guess how many birthmothers adopt in PA? Yup, pretty much none. Other states put a cap on the total amount or limit how it is spent.
More on Phase 2 in the next post....
I don't know if I had mentioned, but my parents came to visit over the Memorial Day weekend and my mom bought us a really cute unisex bassinet that I just love. It is a tan giraffe print on top with bright green piping and a dark brown lower portion. The mattress has a giraffe, monkey, elephant and something else I can't remember right now on it as does the little plush mobile. It also makes soothing noises and has a changing table. She also got us a really adorable swing that is the most plush fleece I have felt and is a sheep pattern. I'd sleep in the thing if I could fit! Of course the cats helped to inspect everything and make sure it is comfortable and easy to use. I will post pictures when I am at home.
Well, back to talking about the expense associated with all this. Where was I? Phase 2 I think.
Phase 2:
This is the more interesting part when it comes to talking about expenses. Phase 2 begins once the match has been made and accepted by both the birthmother and the prospective adopting parents and ends once the baby is born (or one or both parities changes their mind, but lets not think about that).
It is illegal to exchange money for a child. That was called slavery. Most of the birthmothers need help, however, and it in not illegal to provide for the birthmother which is an act of charity. Basically, in this phase, once we have accepted a match we take over responsibility for living expenses for the birthmother until the baby is born. This is why there is such a large range given for the overall cost. Think of it like this example:
Birthmother #1: A 16 year old girl going to high school in the middle of nowhere Wyoming and living with her parents. She chooses us with 2 weeks left to go.
Birthmother #2: A 30 year old single woman with a small apartment in downtown Manhattan living alone and unable to work due to the pregnancy. She chooses us with 3 months to go.
Obviously the second birthmother will require a lot more money during this phase than the first. What are we responsible for?
- Rent
- Food money
-Utilities
- Getting to and from the doctor for pregnancy related visits
- Fun money to pass away the time
We are not responsible for any medical related fees, since all pregnant women in the USA are immediately placed on Medical Assistance if not on insurance already.
When we created our account with the agency they asked us what range of birthmother expenses we were willing/able to allow - low, medium, high. We chose high, not because we have a money tree out back, but really, in the grander scheme of things it wasn't a breaking point. It also would not eliminate any potential women just based on that. If we did get chosen by someone that would end up requiring way more than we are prepared for, we would have the decision to say no to the match.
While I am not 100% sure on the exact way it is handled, I know that we have a pool of money with the agency (all on the credit card, ick) for this reason (or will have anyway once we get chosen). Every expense must be cleared by us in advance, so the birthmother can't decide to go on a weekend get-a-way at the spa and charge us for it. Or tell us that she needs $1,000 for groceries this week. What I don't know yet is if she pays for it herself up front and then submits a receipt and request for money or if she asks before she spends it. Either way, we get to say yes or no with the understanding that we can't say no to everything or basic needs. It is more for the fun things - like going to get a pedicure or to rent a movie etc...
This does also depend on the state she lives in. Pennsylvania does not allow any money for any reason at all. Guess how many birthmothers adopt in PA? Yup, pretty much none. Other states put a cap on the total amount or limit how it is spent.
More on Phase 2 in the next post....
Friday, June 8, 2012
Our First Email Status Update
Today we received our first email about our active account. It was exciting, but also kind of stinks because that means we have not be chosen yet.
Since we went "live" (2.5 weeks ago) we have been presented to 3 birthmothers.
The first chose a different family and is in the process of being matched and moving on.
The second has the profiles, but has not been in touch with the agency since and they believe that she has most likely decided not to move forward with an adoption process at this time.
The third has the profiles and has been in contact, but has not made a decision yet. She has had the profiles since 5/31. So I guess she is still a possibility for us.
It seems like we are on the right track for exposure at this point. The hard part is that while we fit the basic criteria, they might have such a wide range of acceptable qualities that we could just be one profile of 50 that she has to look through at one time. It all just depends on what she is willing to think about.
Keep us in your thoughts for a quick placement!!!!
Since we went "live" (2.5 weeks ago) we have been presented to 3 birthmothers.
The first chose a different family and is in the process of being matched and moving on.
The second has the profiles, but has not been in touch with the agency since and they believe that she has most likely decided not to move forward with an adoption process at this time.
The third has the profiles and has been in contact, but has not made a decision yet. She has had the profiles since 5/31. So I guess she is still a possibility for us.
It seems like we are on the right track for exposure at this point. The hard part is that while we fit the basic criteria, they might have such a wide range of acceptable qualities that we could just be one profile of 50 that she has to look through at one time. It all just depends on what she is willing to think about.
Keep us in your thoughts for a quick placement!!!!
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Talked to Our Caseworker
I finally talked with our case worker at the end of last week.
Now that everything is completed paperwork and profile wise (our homestudy is officially finished as well and we were approved to adopt :) we are in the waiting stage. She had our profile for 5 days and we had already been shown 2 times! :) As of last week neither birthmother had made any selection, but I am sure they have by now and it isn't us this time around. Our caseworker did once again state that while some people have been chosen the next day, the average is 6-12 months and to not get our hopes up too much. It will happen eventually though. They have a 100% sucess rate given enough time.
We are in the nationwide system to be presented now. On or around (gotta love how specific that is) the 10th of every month we will receive an email with an update of our account. This will include the number of times we were presented, if we were selected as a backup choice (birthmothers are asked to pick and rank 3) and the status of all people we were presented to (have the chosen and if so who, still deciding, changed mind etc...). Any negative feedback regarding the profile will also be shared.
I then asked what the numbers actually mean. I mean, if she tells me we were presented 2 times in the last month - is that good, bad or ugly? Given the filters we have in place and what we have to offer to fit into the filters of the birthmother, she said that something would be terribly wrong if we went a month without any presentations, 2-3 would be a bad month, 5-6 average, 7-8 good and 8-10 great. That at least gives me a reference point now to judge our information off of. It also lets me know that if we have good-great months that we should expect to have to reprint the profile in 5-6 months.
Apparently we are in a good position though. Supply and demand is high in a way. There are more potential adoptive parents than brithmothers wanting to adopt out their child. They currently have 120 people/couples wanting to adopt. Thats a lot. They placed 142 babies in 2011. The odds seem bad, but here is the kicker. While any approved potential adoptive parent can eventually get a match given enough time, there are certain factors that are more desirable than others to the majority of birthmothers (at this agency any way). Of all adoptive parents, the most desirable are in the minority giving them an advatange to being chosen. We happen to be in that group - Caucasian, 2 opposite genders, married for over 5 years, not over 40 years old, no other children, and professionals. So, while we still should expect a 6-12 month wait, generally speaking we should be highly sought after (along with all the other couples like us that are also waiting). Good news in a way.
Now that everything is completed paperwork and profile wise (our homestudy is officially finished as well and we were approved to adopt :) we are in the waiting stage. She had our profile for 5 days and we had already been shown 2 times! :) As of last week neither birthmother had made any selection, but I am sure they have by now and it isn't us this time around. Our caseworker did once again state that while some people have been chosen the next day, the average is 6-12 months and to not get our hopes up too much. It will happen eventually though. They have a 100% sucess rate given enough time.
We are in the nationwide system to be presented now. On or around (gotta love how specific that is) the 10th of every month we will receive an email with an update of our account. This will include the number of times we were presented, if we were selected as a backup choice (birthmothers are asked to pick and rank 3) and the status of all people we were presented to (have the chosen and if so who, still deciding, changed mind etc...). Any negative feedback regarding the profile will also be shared.
I then asked what the numbers actually mean. I mean, if she tells me we were presented 2 times in the last month - is that good, bad or ugly? Given the filters we have in place and what we have to offer to fit into the filters of the birthmother, she said that something would be terribly wrong if we went a month without any presentations, 2-3 would be a bad month, 5-6 average, 7-8 good and 8-10 great. That at least gives me a reference point now to judge our information off of. It also lets me know that if we have good-great months that we should expect to have to reprint the profile in 5-6 months.
Apparently we are in a good position though. Supply and demand is high in a way. There are more potential adoptive parents than brithmothers wanting to adopt out their child. They currently have 120 people/couples wanting to adopt. Thats a lot. They placed 142 babies in 2011. The odds seem bad, but here is the kicker. While any approved potential adoptive parent can eventually get a match given enough time, there are certain factors that are more desirable than others to the majority of birthmothers (at this agency any way). Of all adoptive parents, the most desirable are in the minority giving them an advatange to being chosen. We happen to be in that group - Caucasian, 2 opposite genders, married for over 5 years, not over 40 years old, no other children, and professionals. So, while we still should expect a 6-12 month wait, generally speaking we should be highly sought after (along with all the other couples like us that are also waiting). Good news in a way.
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