No new news here. The online profiles are both up. I have the hard copy of the printed version as does our caseworker. She said she would call me this week to talk about how it will all works from here until we are chosen, but hasn't yet. Things seem to move slower out in California. I was giving her until today and then I will give her a call. They are 2 hours behind, so I will make the call this afternoon and see what is going on.
With nothing new to report, I thought I would have a second Q&A session - How much does this all cost??
Sorry, but I don't think it is proper to post the actual dollar value online. I suppose a highly motivated person could just google the company or a similar company and find it out themselves. Instead I will go into how the money is spent, because that is interesting.
Our agency breaks it into 3 phases.
PHASE 1:
This is where we are now. This begins the moment we sign the contract and ends when we are chosen and agree to the match. This is also the biggest chunk of money at one time (well, actually it is split into 3 payments over 90 days). The money in this phase is guaranteed to the agency, so even if we put our account on hold or decide to not adopt, we still owe them the whole amount for the phase. The money spent here covers the cost of advertising for a birthmother and helps support their network of social workers for both birthmothers and adoptive parents. The way it was explained to us is that the amount we pay isn't to cover our costs specifically, but instead they figured out a while ago what their bottomline is (and I'm sure how much money they want to profit on top of that although they didn't say that) and divided it up amongst how many clients they generally have. This way the cost is less, supposedly, for everyone.
In this phase we were assigned our caseworker, made our profile, answered a million questions, and did the 2 online profiles. In addition to the money we paid the agency for this phase we also had to spend additional money for other necessary items.
First was the profile itself. While I wrote the text and gathered pictures, we hired the graphic designer to put it all together.). This is an option that for some reason most people do not take. I understnad it is an extra expense, but this is the most important part and in the end is just a drop in the bucket. We also had to pay to have it printed. We could have printed it ourselves on crappy paper, but with this being the most important part it really didn't seem worth it in the end, so professional quality it was with a professional price tag.
Second was the homestudy. We had to get a local agency to do this for us. They of course had a fee for themselves and since we live in the middle of nowehere we had to pay mileage for her to come to the house (which was annoying since we didn't have a choice - she had to come to the house for the site visit). On top of their fee we also had to get fingerprinted (twice since the first time ended up not being the correct way, so we had to redo it) and do the online classes.
Apparently, our main agency figures in the cost of the homestudy and printing into the big picture amount they quoted us the entire project will cost. I don't think they plan for the graphic designer. I can tell you that our homestudy agency was more expensive then they qouted us and I don't think they added in the extra money for fingerprinting and online classes, so basically we are already over budget for phase 1.
Up next....Phase 2 :)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Online Profile #2 Is Up
It looks great!!! I really like this one a lot. Check it out and see. Most of these pics are in the hardcopy profile as well.
http://adoptionplanners.com/choosefamily3.php?id=328/dusty-&-sara
The designer for this website emailed me to let me know that it was up and running and at the bottom of the email had a PS that said something about as a fellow horsewoman that she loves our profile!
I really, really hope a birthmom agrees!
We also got our hardcopies in the mail yesterday. The one thing about this process that needs to be changed is that 1 single hardcopy needs to be printed in advance and mailed ot us fro us to check over first. It looks different in print than on a computer and there is 1 major change I would have made. In the computer format she had picked a nice rich brown that was still bright and had a wood grain type effect to give it depth. Well, none of that showed up in print. It just looks dark, very, very dark. Almost black dark :( There are only 2 pages with that color as the main color, so it isn't too bad.
If we end up going through all 50 without being chosen (or if it goes over badly and we get negative responses to it) and we need to reprint I will have her make that change. I would do it now except the printing was expensive and I don't think it is bad enough to reprint right now. Our caseworker has them as well and said they looked good.
Our caseworker said that she will give me a call early in the week to talk over how things work. I have a general idea, but she will fill me in on some more specifics. I plan on talking about the profile then and if she thinks the brown is too dark and that it will turn people away we may need to reprint (which adds time and money to an alreadys long and expensive process). I have some questions that have popped up since i originally asked a bunch and will get some answeres then.
A preview of questions:
1. How many new birthmothers do you tend to sign up a month?
2. How many new adoptive paretns do you sign up a month?
3. How many current adoptive parents are waiting? (They placed 150 babies lat year)
4. What is the normal time frame from choosing to birth? (I know that the earliest a birthmother can join the program is at the beginning of the 3rd trimester, but it can be as late as the day before delivery too)
There are some others, but those are the pressing ones.
http://adoptionplanners.com/choosefamily3.php?id=328/dusty-&-sara
The designer for this website emailed me to let me know that it was up and running and at the bottom of the email had a PS that said something about as a fellow horsewoman that she loves our profile!
I really, really hope a birthmom agrees!
We also got our hardcopies in the mail yesterday. The one thing about this process that needs to be changed is that 1 single hardcopy needs to be printed in advance and mailed ot us fro us to check over first. It looks different in print than on a computer and there is 1 major change I would have made. In the computer format she had picked a nice rich brown that was still bright and had a wood grain type effect to give it depth. Well, none of that showed up in print. It just looks dark, very, very dark. Almost black dark :( There are only 2 pages with that color as the main color, so it isn't too bad.
If we end up going through all 50 without being chosen (or if it goes over badly and we get negative responses to it) and we need to reprint I will have her make that change. I would do it now except the printing was expensive and I don't think it is bad enough to reprint right now. Our caseworker has them as well and said they looked good.
Our caseworker said that she will give me a call early in the week to talk over how things work. I have a general idea, but she will fill me in on some more specifics. I plan on talking about the profile then and if she thinks the brown is too dark and that it will turn people away we may need to reprint (which adds time and money to an alreadys long and expensive process). I have some questions that have popped up since i originally asked a bunch and will get some answeres then.
A preview of questions:
1. How many new birthmothers do you tend to sign up a month?
2. How many new adoptive paretns do you sign up a month?
3. How many current adoptive parents are waiting? (They placed 150 babies lat year)
4. What is the normal time frame from choosing to birth? (I know that the earliest a birthmother can join the program is at the beginning of the 3rd trimester, but it can be as late as the day before delivery too)
There are some others, but those are the pressing ones.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
And the waiting begins....
We are officially able to be presented!!!!!
All the information, all the hardwork, is done :)
Our caseworker received the hard copies of our profile and as of today we will be available to be presented to any birthmother whose criteria includes us and who meets our criteria as well.
I can't tell you all how excited I am. This makes it seem more real somehow. I know that the average wait is 6-12 months. I know that the cards are stacked up against us to get a placement before we have to put our account on hold. I know, I know.
But I also know that the shortest wait time was 1 day. I also know that we have very few filters on our end. I also know that we fit in the category of what the majority of birthmother's are looking for. I also know that the phone could ring at any moment with a request for us to be the adoptive parents.
Now for the hard part - waiting, waiting and more waiting with nothing to do. This is now out of our control. Please, please, please keep your fingers crossed and us in your minds for a quick placement. We have been trying to start a family since December 2010. It is getting to be such a long time.
All the information, all the hardwork, is done :)
Our caseworker received the hard copies of our profile and as of today we will be available to be presented to any birthmother whose criteria includes us and who meets our criteria as well.
I can't tell you all how excited I am. This makes it seem more real somehow. I know that the average wait is 6-12 months. I know that the cards are stacked up against us to get a placement before we have to put our account on hold. I know, I know.
But I also know that the shortest wait time was 1 day. I also know that we have very few filters on our end. I also know that we fit in the category of what the majority of birthmother's are looking for. I also know that the phone could ring at any moment with a request for us to be the adoptive parents.
Now for the hard part - waiting, waiting and more waiting with nothing to do. This is now out of our control. Please, please, please keep your fingers crossed and us in your minds for a quick placement. We have been trying to start a family since December 2010. It is getting to be such a long time.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
1st Online Profile Is Up
Our 1st of 2 online profiles is up and running. It really was exciting...until I looked at it. The words are all there, but the picture placement is not so hot and overall it is not so great. But...I doubt it really matters. I think it is just a way for someone to browse and then ask for the hard copy. This is the website of the actual agency we are working with, so I think they just use it to get interest. I hope. I emailed them the text and 5 pictures per their request (our cover pic, 2 of us individually, 2 of us together) and they put it together. I had no say in design. I will say that it was done quickly and this is what they do for a living, so it must work somehow.
The second website is currently working on our information and has 21 pictures, so I will get that up when it is ready.
I emailed our graphic designer as well wondering when we would get the 5 copies we ordered (and in a diplomatic way harass her as to a date when they would get to the agency) and she said she forgot to order me any. Well, actually she said she didn't remember me wanting any, but I have all the emails and it specifically says to order 45 copies to the agency and 5 to us (which incidentally was HER suggestion in the first place). Geesh, people!! I am hoping to have them by the weekend so I can show them to Mum and Dad when they come to visit.
The second website is currently working on our information and has 21 pictures, so I will get that up when it is ready.
I emailed our graphic designer as well wondering when we would get the 5 copies we ordered (and in a diplomatic way harass her as to a date when they would get to the agency) and she said she forgot to order me any. Well, actually she said she didn't remember me wanting any, but I have all the emails and it specifically says to order 45 copies to the agency and 5 to us (which incidentally was HER suggestion in the first place). Geesh, people!! I am hoping to have them by the weekend so I can show them to Mum and Dad when they come to visit.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
More Work To Do
This seems like it is never ending, but I THINK we are finished. I think. (Until we get told there are 5 other things we need to do).
I worked on the information for the 2 online sites our profile will be on.
The first one is through the adoption agency itself. This one was the easier of the two. I just had to send the profile text in word format along with 5 pictures. I already had the word document I wrote it in to send to the graphic designer. I only had to make some small edits to match what she had done. I also just picked our cover and back pics, a pic of us alone and then an additional one together. They wanted them to be the same as used in the profile, so I just had to pilfer these. My only concern is that I only have the original files, not the awesomely enhanced, photo shopped variety that are being used in the profile. I would hope that they use a designer who can enhance pics for the website, but you never know.
The second website is through a different company. I am not 100% sure how this works, because it seems to me that you can sign up for adoption through them without going through our agency, but I could be wrong with that. It may just be a sister company for our agency alone, I really have no clue. Anyway, this was a bit of a bigger deal because of course they needed everything in a different format. The words are basically the same, but the headings are in a different order and things are condensed together a bit. This features 5 tabs under our name in a little online book. Each tab has different information.
Ex:
Tab 1: Hello! About Sara and Dusty
Tab 2: Meet Dusty
Tab 3: Meet Sara
Tab 4: Our "Kids" and Our Careers
Tab 5: Our Promise
The first tab gets 1 pic - our cover photo from the profile. Each additional tab can have up to 5 pictures. This seemed easy except in the actual profile we don't have that many pictures of us alone. Most of them are us together, so I had to go off the profile grid and pick other ones. I hope they are okay. I am also fairly computer stupid, so the only way I attach pics is to do it in single attachments. I have had no luck with messages going through with more than 5 attachments in the past, so this means I am sitting here waiting for the 4th of 5 emails to upload all the pictures to send off. I am sure the lady is going to be angry getting 5 separate emails, but that is the only way I know how to do it.
This process was interrupted by our cat, Anikin, having a seizure beside me on the couch :( Poor old guy. I bundled him up in a blanket when he was settled and ran him outside to Dusty (who was mowing the yard) to check him out. As far as we know, he has never had one before. He spends all evening and most of the day on weekends with us, so I would have thought we would have seen one by now if he had. Anyway, that was scary and sad. He is doing okay right now and we are going to watch him and see how things progress. Poor guy.
We should be hearing from both the adoption agency regarding our printed profile as well as the home study agency tomorrow regarding our account status. As far as we know we are up to date and finished with the laundry list of things we had to do. After that it should just be sit around and wait time.
I worked on the information for the 2 online sites our profile will be on.
The first one is through the adoption agency itself. This one was the easier of the two. I just had to send the profile text in word format along with 5 pictures. I already had the word document I wrote it in to send to the graphic designer. I only had to make some small edits to match what she had done. I also just picked our cover and back pics, a pic of us alone and then an additional one together. They wanted them to be the same as used in the profile, so I just had to pilfer these. My only concern is that I only have the original files, not the awesomely enhanced, photo shopped variety that are being used in the profile. I would hope that they use a designer who can enhance pics for the website, but you never know.
The second website is through a different company. I am not 100% sure how this works, because it seems to me that you can sign up for adoption through them without going through our agency, but I could be wrong with that. It may just be a sister company for our agency alone, I really have no clue. Anyway, this was a bit of a bigger deal because of course they needed everything in a different format. The words are basically the same, but the headings are in a different order and things are condensed together a bit. This features 5 tabs under our name in a little online book. Each tab has different information.
Ex:
Tab 1: Hello! About Sara and Dusty
Tab 2: Meet Dusty
Tab 3: Meet Sara
Tab 4: Our "Kids" and Our Careers
Tab 5: Our Promise
The first tab gets 1 pic - our cover photo from the profile. Each additional tab can have up to 5 pictures. This seemed easy except in the actual profile we don't have that many pictures of us alone. Most of them are us together, so I had to go off the profile grid and pick other ones. I hope they are okay. I am also fairly computer stupid, so the only way I attach pics is to do it in single attachments. I have had no luck with messages going through with more than 5 attachments in the past, so this means I am sitting here waiting for the 4th of 5 emails to upload all the pictures to send off. I am sure the lady is going to be angry getting 5 separate emails, but that is the only way I know how to do it.
This process was interrupted by our cat, Anikin, having a seizure beside me on the couch :( Poor old guy. I bundled him up in a blanket when he was settled and ran him outside to Dusty (who was mowing the yard) to check him out. As far as we know, he has never had one before. He spends all evening and most of the day on weekends with us, so I would have thought we would have seen one by now if he had. Anyway, that was scary and sad. He is doing okay right now and we are going to watch him and see how things progress. Poor guy.
We should be hearing from both the adoption agency regarding our printed profile as well as the home study agency tomorrow regarding our account status. As far as we know we are up to date and finished with the laundry list of things we had to do. After that it should just be sit around and wait time.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Update
Everything is in to the homestudy agency (again a BIG THANKS to everyone for the letters :) as well as the profile being at the printer which should be done by tuesday. I will be working on getting the online websites finished up this weekend. This basically puts us at a little standstill.
Dusty wants to get a few things together just in case we get a baby quicker than we expect. You just never know when that phone will ring. He thinks we should at least have a bassinet and a car seat on hand. If we get a call saying we need to pick up the baby ASAP then at least we can safely do so and worry abut diapers, clothing and formula on the way home.
With that in mind I headed over the Toys R Us the other day to have a look around. Unfortunatley we do not have a Babies R Us, but this was at least a good place to start. I was good and didn't buy anything, just went to look.
I found a really nice bassinet that was a combination thing. It had the basinnet part with a nice mattress, an infant napper (looked like a swing type thing lined with soft fleece), a changing table and when the child becomes a toddler the bassinet/napper/changing table can be removed and it becomes a play pen. It is called a pack n play and seemed pretty user friendly.
I also looked at car seats, but the majority today seem to be car seat/stroller combos. There was one that had tiny little speakers by the push handle part and when you lifted up a little latch there was a connector for your ipod! How ridiculous is that!?! I didn't like most of them because once the car seat portion was removed for the older child the actual seat left in the stroller had very little support to it at all. The one I did like was really nice, but expensive so I think I will look around some more.
It is also really hard not knowing what gender of a child we will have (which is what I guess people who choose not to find out when they are pregnant go through) because a lot of the ones I really liked were either very boy or very girl. I saw one that was mostly brown with some blue and green and had elephants on it that seemed more neutral. I don't know. We have plenty of time to look around.
We are taking bets as to when we will get a child placed in our arms. The typical wait time for our agency is 6-12 months. I am saying May of 2014. I know this is very long, but my thoughts are that it is cutting it too close now to get a child by the end of January (which we need to have the full 6 months for the post placement). At that point we will need to put the account on hold until we move. That will happen end of June/beginning July 2013, but we will then also need to re-do part of the homestudy so by the time we get moved and do this I am saying we won't re-open the account until end of Aug/beginning Sept. The it will be 8 months from there until the baby is with us. Dusty is saying October 2012. Any thoughts???
Dusty wants to get a few things together just in case we get a baby quicker than we expect. You just never know when that phone will ring. He thinks we should at least have a bassinet and a car seat on hand. If we get a call saying we need to pick up the baby ASAP then at least we can safely do so and worry abut diapers, clothing and formula on the way home.
With that in mind I headed over the Toys R Us the other day to have a look around. Unfortunatley we do not have a Babies R Us, but this was at least a good place to start. I was good and didn't buy anything, just went to look.
I found a really nice bassinet that was a combination thing. It had the basinnet part with a nice mattress, an infant napper (looked like a swing type thing lined with soft fleece), a changing table and when the child becomes a toddler the bassinet/napper/changing table can be removed and it becomes a play pen. It is called a pack n play and seemed pretty user friendly.
I also looked at car seats, but the majority today seem to be car seat/stroller combos. There was one that had tiny little speakers by the push handle part and when you lifted up a little latch there was a connector for your ipod! How ridiculous is that!?! I didn't like most of them because once the car seat portion was removed for the older child the actual seat left in the stroller had very little support to it at all. The one I did like was really nice, but expensive so I think I will look around some more.
It is also really hard not knowing what gender of a child we will have (which is what I guess people who choose not to find out when they are pregnant go through) because a lot of the ones I really liked were either very boy or very girl. I saw one that was mostly brown with some blue and green and had elephants on it that seemed more neutral. I don't know. We have plenty of time to look around.
We are taking bets as to when we will get a child placed in our arms. The typical wait time for our agency is 6-12 months. I am saying May of 2014. I know this is very long, but my thoughts are that it is cutting it too close now to get a child by the end of January (which we need to have the full 6 months for the post placement). At that point we will need to put the account on hold until we move. That will happen end of June/beginning July 2013, but we will then also need to re-do part of the homestudy so by the time we get moved and do this I am saying we won't re-open the account until end of Aug/beginning Sept. The it will be 8 months from there until the baby is with us. Dusty is saying October 2012. Any thoughts???
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Profile Is Off To The Printer
Our profile is happily off to the printer and should be in the hands of our case worker by Tuesday of next week at the latest. I am not positive on how soon after that we are presented, but I am pretty sure it is fairly quickly. We will be getting 50 copies with 5 sent to us. That way we will have a hard copy as well and if any family or friends wanted a copy we can have it available.
I need to work on the online information and will get all that done by the end of the weekend. It isn't too much effort. The text and pictures are basically the same as in the printed version.
All the information was mailed off for the homestudy. Just waiting on the last letter of rec to come in printed and signed form. We have the emailed version which we passed on for quoting in the study, but they need to have the hard signed copy too. A BIG THANK YOU to all our friends who gave us a letter!! They were awesome and much more than expected. :)
I have a topic already picked for Q&A session 2 and will write that sometime later this week or over the weekend.
I need to work on the online information and will get all that done by the end of the weekend. It isn't too much effort. The text and pictures are basically the same as in the printed version.
All the information was mailed off for the homestudy. Just waiting on the last letter of rec to come in printed and signed form. We have the emailed version which we passed on for quoting in the study, but they need to have the hard signed copy too. A BIG THANK YOU to all our friends who gave us a letter!! They were awesome and much more than expected. :)
I have a topic already picked for Q&A session 2 and will write that sometime later this week or over the weekend.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Profile Approved :)
Yay! Our profile was readily approved by the adoption agency. I was a little worried because our case worker in the past has not been a fan of bold colors. She only made I minor suggestion (a word was split and hyphenated between two lines and she wanted it all on one) and then approved it for printing :) She did comment on the colors being not what she was used to (we went with a rich brown, red, green and yellow), but agreed that it looked good. She even went on to say it is her favorite profile to date!!!!!
I am REALLY hoping that this is a good sign that maybe we won't have to wait forever to get chosen. Keeping our fingers crossed.
Once this minor change has been done, we will send it off to the printer and then once it is in the hands of our agency we can be presented. I emailed the deisgner and asked how long it usually takes. I am guessing 7-10 days as that seems to be the norm for everything.
We are slightly behind where I had wanted to be at this point. I had hoped to be presented by now, but oh well. It only takes 1 birthmother to choose us.
Next step will be getting the 2 website information and pictures together. I am not 100% clear what all needs to go into this, but will get started on that this week. The good news is that this doesn't hold us back from being presented.
I am REALLY hoping that this is a good sign that maybe we won't have to wait forever to get chosen. Keeping our fingers crossed.
Once this minor change has been done, we will send it off to the printer and then once it is in the hands of our agency we can be presented. I emailed the deisgner and asked how long it usually takes. I am guessing 7-10 days as that seems to be the norm for everything.
We are slightly behind where I had wanted to be at this point. I had hoped to be presented by now, but oh well. It only takes 1 birthmother to choose us.
Next step will be getting the 2 website information and pictures together. I am not 100% clear what all needs to go into this, but will get started on that this week. The good news is that this doesn't hold us back from being presented.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Q&A #1: Open vs Closed Adoption
Since nothing new is really going on with the process at the moment (the profile is being reviewed by our caseworker at the agency and we are still working on courses and gathering the letters) I thought I would begin a Q&A session with the most commonly asked question that we get.
How "open" of an adoption are we planning on having??
First, let me explain what the difference even is.
Open adoption - this can take many forms but really it boils down to ANY communication between the birthmother and the adopting parents. It can be as simple as us sending a picture every year on the birthday or as complicated as visitations. There are definitely different ways to go about this - again we can choose to send pictures, emails or letters to her. We can allow letters or emails to be sent to us or through us to the child. We can even allow visitation between the two with us present. A complicating factor is that sometimes the grandparents do not agree with the birthmother decision to adopt and they want to visit or keep communication open with the child on their own.
Closed adoption - obviously this is the opposite. No communication whatsoever.
So which way to go? As with most things in life it isn't just as simple as what we would like or want. The birthmother has an equal opinion in the matter. She may want to move on and try to not think about her decision for various reasons (abusive relationship with the father, too young to handle it, cheated on significant other and got pregnant, or just can't handle thinking about the choice) and does not want any communication. This happens apparently quite frequently and no matter how badly we may want to contact her, it just won't happen. This is one of the things that gets discussed prior to the birth. We have also been told that while we may start out in a very limited open adoption (sending pictures) it may eventually evolve into emails, letters, phone calls and eventually visits. Some families become friends with the birthmother and her family in the end and have fairly close connections. Or the opposite can occur - we could start out with phone calls and plans for a visit and it may shrivel away to nothing.
But...just based solely on our opinion what would we do? We are comfortable (at this point in time) in a limited open adoption. Limited in the fact that we would be open to sending a birthday or Christmas picture and that is about it. No communication between the child and the birthmother or any other member of the family. After extensive discussions with the social worker who is herself adopted as well as numerous courses full of information we feel that a fully open adoption would be confusing to the child. It is hard enough growing up without the additional concern over "my adoptive parents say this and I don't like it, but my birthmother says this so there" to creep up.
We plan on saving any and all information that we have until the child is 18 and at that point in time we will assist and support any decision he/she may have in finding the birthmother. Our social worker knows who her birthmother is, but with a very close and loving relationship with her adoptive mother (she considers her her "Real" mom) she does not want to meet her. She told us that she already has a mother and has no need for anything else. Of course each person is different and handles things accordingly, but for us we do not want any communication between the birth family and the child until the child is 18 and decides for himself/herself to seek it.
How "open" of an adoption are we planning on having??
First, let me explain what the difference even is.
Open adoption - this can take many forms but really it boils down to ANY communication between the birthmother and the adopting parents. It can be as simple as us sending a picture every year on the birthday or as complicated as visitations. There are definitely different ways to go about this - again we can choose to send pictures, emails or letters to her. We can allow letters or emails to be sent to us or through us to the child. We can even allow visitation between the two with us present. A complicating factor is that sometimes the grandparents do not agree with the birthmother decision to adopt and they want to visit or keep communication open with the child on their own.
Closed adoption - obviously this is the opposite. No communication whatsoever.
So which way to go? As with most things in life it isn't just as simple as what we would like or want. The birthmother has an equal opinion in the matter. She may want to move on and try to not think about her decision for various reasons (abusive relationship with the father, too young to handle it, cheated on significant other and got pregnant, or just can't handle thinking about the choice) and does not want any communication. This happens apparently quite frequently and no matter how badly we may want to contact her, it just won't happen. This is one of the things that gets discussed prior to the birth. We have also been told that while we may start out in a very limited open adoption (sending pictures) it may eventually evolve into emails, letters, phone calls and eventually visits. Some families become friends with the birthmother and her family in the end and have fairly close connections. Or the opposite can occur - we could start out with phone calls and plans for a visit and it may shrivel away to nothing.
But...just based solely on our opinion what would we do? We are comfortable (at this point in time) in a limited open adoption. Limited in the fact that we would be open to sending a birthday or Christmas picture and that is about it. No communication between the child and the birthmother or any other member of the family. After extensive discussions with the social worker who is herself adopted as well as numerous courses full of information we feel that a fully open adoption would be confusing to the child. It is hard enough growing up without the additional concern over "my adoptive parents say this and I don't like it, but my birthmother says this so there" to creep up.
We plan on saving any and all information that we have until the child is 18 and at that point in time we will assist and support any decision he/she may have in finding the birthmother. Our social worker knows who her birthmother is, but with a very close and loving relationship with her adoptive mother (she considers her her "Real" mom) she does not want to meet her. She told us that she already has a mother and has no need for anything else. Of course each person is different and handles things accordingly, but for us we do not want any communication between the birth family and the child until the child is 18 and decides for himself/herself to seek it.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Finishing Up The Profile
We are almost done with everything :) The last profile edits came through yesterday and they were spot on. I approved them without hesitation and sent them on to our caseworker at the agency. She apparently has to approve it as well. I know she will think it doesn't have enough feminine colors to it, but we are just not pastel people.
I don't know how long it will take her to approve it. She has been historically running 48 hours on responses to questions via email, so I would expect at least that long. Hopefully by Monday it will be back. According to the designer, I can say no to any changes that she suggests as long as it is not a make or break point for her. We will see how that goes. Once she approves it, the profile will be sent off to the printer. Again, I have no clue how long it takes to get it printed. As soon as it is printed we can start to be presented to birthmothers :)
On the homestudy front we have half the online credits completed. Still have 9 to go, but should be done with those soon. We are waiting to receive the letters of rec from our friends. We have 1 out of the 3 so far. Once those are in we will mail out the rest of the paperwork that is finished and then we should be done with that.
What else? Well, once the profile is finished in paper format I will need to put together an online version for 2 websites that the agency has for birthmothers to look at. This will take a little time and effort, but shouldn't be too much. Our caseworker said to use the same text as in the printed version and pick 5-20 pictures from the book to use. We can use others if we want, but most people just use the same. This is to increase exposure since some people will just want to look online instead of at the printed form.
We are getting close! The process has been very tiring with a lot of organization and time required to get everything done. I will be excited to leave this stage and get into the waiting game.
I don't know how long it will take her to approve it. She has been historically running 48 hours on responses to questions via email, so I would expect at least that long. Hopefully by Monday it will be back. According to the designer, I can say no to any changes that she suggests as long as it is not a make or break point for her. We will see how that goes. Once she approves it, the profile will be sent off to the printer. Again, I have no clue how long it takes to get it printed. As soon as it is printed we can start to be presented to birthmothers :)
On the homestudy front we have half the online credits completed. Still have 9 to go, but should be done with those soon. We are waiting to receive the letters of rec from our friends. We have 1 out of the 3 so far. Once those are in we will mail out the rest of the paperwork that is finished and then we should be done with that.
What else? Well, once the profile is finished in paper format I will need to put together an online version for 2 websites that the agency has for birthmothers to look at. This will take a little time and effort, but shouldn't be too much. Our caseworker said to use the same text as in the printed version and pick 5-20 pictures from the book to use. We can use others if we want, but most people just use the same. This is to increase exposure since some people will just want to look online instead of at the printed form.
We are getting close! The process has been very tiring with a lot of organization and time required to get everything done. I will be excited to leave this stage and get into the waiting game.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Profile Edits #1
The profile proof is back with changes. Good news - it was quick turnover. Bad news - I'm not liking it all that much.
Some of the things changed were per my request and I like. Some of the things I said I didn't really like, but couldn't think of a way to improve on it, so she did and it is worse. Gonna take some time and figure it all out and get it back to her for revision by then end of today so it can be done tomorrow.
We are still working on the online courses. Now have 9.5 credits done and 8.5 to go.
Nothing else interesting is happening right now. Waiting for the 3 letters of rec to come in the mail. Once those are in and we finish these courses we will send all the left over information to the homestudy agency and that will complete that.
We have some questions that keep coming up when we talk about our adoption plans, so I think I will do some Q&A type posts once all the upfront work is done and we are in hurry up and wait mode.
Thanks for keeping up with us!!!
Some of the things changed were per my request and I like. Some of the things I said I didn't really like, but couldn't think of a way to improve on it, so she did and it is worse. Gonna take some time and figure it all out and get it back to her for revision by then end of today so it can be done tomorrow.
We are still working on the online courses. Now have 9.5 credits done and 8.5 to go.
Nothing else interesting is happening right now. Waiting for the 3 letters of rec to come in the mail. Once those are in and we finish these courses we will send all the left over information to the homestudy agency and that will complete that.
We have some questions that keep coming up when we talk about our adoption plans, so I think I will do some Q&A type posts once all the upfront work is done and we are in hurry up and wait mode.
Thanks for keeping up with us!!!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Online Education
We started the online courses tonight. The one problem we have run into so far is the complete lack of courses geared toward domestic infant adoptoin. Most are about international adoption and integrating the culture of the child into your life. Others are about adopting an older child from the foster care system. We did manage to find 13 credits so far, although some of them might not be that applicable.
So far we have completed:
1.) Making a Profile That Works - this is 2 credits and was very interesting. It reinforced that our profile is along the lines of those that get chosen earlier. The one thing I did that they don't like it make an introduction paragraph that thanks the birthmother and has a bland statement about understanding how difficult the decision is. They suggest making it stand out more with a more personal letter or a quote. I am going to think about changing it before the final proof is done.
2.) Lifebook - 2 more credits. This one was also nice. Apparently making a "lifebook" is very important fr an adopted child. It is different than a typical babybook or child scrapbook. Basically, it contains age specific information about their birthfamily, us, the process, and all documents that we have from the process (such as origianl birth certificate, family medical records, adoption decree etc...) so they can refer to them when needed. They recommend starting ti with information that the child can understand at the younger years in language they can relate to and then changing it as the grow. very interesting and something I will definitly be doing.
3.) Let's Talk Adoption - 2 credits. This one covered when to begin talking about adoption with the child and how to do it. It also went into why you should. They covered the fact that you should begin integrating the topic from day one so that the child places a good emotion with the word and then as stated above giving them information only that they can handle at the given stage in life. Also, talking about it to all those that are involved in the child's life is important so that everyone is on the same page.
4.) Open Adoption 101 - 2 credits. Dusty did this one. It went over what all constitutes and open adoption - anywhere from sending pictures to actual meetings. It stated that most relationships ebb and flow and while you may start with sending pictures it may evolve into meetings or original meetings could dry up and end with no contact. This is a touchy subject for us and I will make a new post just on this some time.
Dusty then chose a whole package on "Tough Start Kids" which he took to include bad prenatal care, but turns out to basically talk about children from abusive backgrounds. Since it was a total of 5 credits and we spent a bit of money on it, we went through them anyway. There were some pearls we gleaned.
5.) Tough Start - Family Matters - 1 credit. by the end of this I was so talked out of ever wnated to adopt an older, tough start child, ever. It was scary!! It went on and on about how it leads to resentment, divorce, abuse of other children/pets int he family. :( Geesh. Way to be positive. I really don't understnad the point of it. What can I apply to our situation? It did go over the importance of creating special time for your spouse and not letting the new child create a wedge between you. backing each other up and helping out as a team is very important. Also, remember to have fun witht he kids and not just view it as a lot of work.
6.) Tough Start - Brain Matters - 2 credits. Dusty is currently working on this one. It sounds very scientific about how the brain functions and how it is altered with abuse.
We are stopping there for the night and will begin again timorrow. The next one is over 100 slides long and I just don't have that in me right now.
So far we have completed:
1.) Making a Profile That Works - this is 2 credits and was very interesting. It reinforced that our profile is along the lines of those that get chosen earlier. The one thing I did that they don't like it make an introduction paragraph that thanks the birthmother and has a bland statement about understanding how difficult the decision is. They suggest making it stand out more with a more personal letter or a quote. I am going to think about changing it before the final proof is done.
2.) Lifebook - 2 more credits. This one was also nice. Apparently making a "lifebook" is very important fr an adopted child. It is different than a typical babybook or child scrapbook. Basically, it contains age specific information about their birthfamily, us, the process, and all documents that we have from the process (such as origianl birth certificate, family medical records, adoption decree etc...) so they can refer to them when needed. They recommend starting ti with information that the child can understand at the younger years in language they can relate to and then changing it as the grow. very interesting and something I will definitly be doing.
3.) Let's Talk Adoption - 2 credits. This one covered when to begin talking about adoption with the child and how to do it. It also went into why you should. They covered the fact that you should begin integrating the topic from day one so that the child places a good emotion with the word and then as stated above giving them information only that they can handle at the given stage in life. Also, talking about it to all those that are involved in the child's life is important so that everyone is on the same page.
4.) Open Adoption 101 - 2 credits. Dusty did this one. It went over what all constitutes and open adoption - anywhere from sending pictures to actual meetings. It stated that most relationships ebb and flow and while you may start with sending pictures it may evolve into meetings or original meetings could dry up and end with no contact. This is a touchy subject for us and I will make a new post just on this some time.
Dusty then chose a whole package on "Tough Start Kids" which he took to include bad prenatal care, but turns out to basically talk about children from abusive backgrounds. Since it was a total of 5 credits and we spent a bit of money on it, we went through them anyway. There were some pearls we gleaned.
5.) Tough Start - Family Matters - 1 credit. by the end of this I was so talked out of ever wnated to adopt an older, tough start child, ever. It was scary!! It went on and on about how it leads to resentment, divorce, abuse of other children/pets int he family. :( Geesh. Way to be positive. I really don't understnad the point of it. What can I apply to our situation? It did go over the importance of creating special time for your spouse and not letting the new child create a wedge between you. backing each other up and helping out as a team is very important. Also, remember to have fun witht he kids and not just view it as a lot of work.
6.) Tough Start - Brain Matters - 2 credits. Dusty is currently working on this one. It sounds very scientific about how the brain functions and how it is altered with abuse.
We are stopping there for the night and will begin again timorrow. The next one is over 100 slides long and I just don't have that in me right now.
Friday, May 4, 2012
The Profile Proof is Here!!!
I just got the profile proof :) I must admit that I was getting very impatient waiting for it to come over. Like all things in life it didn't work right the first time. I was told it would be done by today so I checked at 12 pm and again at 4 pm. I was proud of myself for not getting all riled up and checking hourly. It finally came across at 520pm, but we were at the barn and then ate dinner so I didn't check again until 715pm. Of course when I did see it an error message cam eup that it wasn't uploaded correctly and it wouldn't open. Dusty called her and left a message and I emailed her to let her know. I don't know if she works weekends or not, so I was worried that she wouldn't know until Monday and then it would be 3 more days until we saw it. But, I was wrong and she got wither the message or the email or both and sent it over again and it worked (well, sort of).
At first glance it is pretty awesome looking. We are going through it more thoroughly now and reading the text and what not. There is supposed to be a "sticky note" function in adobe where I can jsut lave a note right where I want it to avoid any confusion over what I am referring to. It is not available though. It says that it was enabled by the author, so I am wondering if she forgot to do that when she sent it the second time. I re-remailed her about that and if it isn't fixed by the morning I will just make careful notes and email them to her.
There are a few things we want to change. Overall though it looks really great. I am not sure if I should post some of it here or not. I will ask and see if it is ok.
One thing I would like opinions on is which picture do you like better for the front cover? Right now the first pic is the front cover and the second is the back cover. Remember that most of the profiles are rejected just based off the cover photo, so it is REALLY important to ahve a good one. I am going to ask the designer why she picked it, but Dusty and I kind of like the back cover adn the front better. She cropped the second photo to the level of my left armpit, so most of our shirts are not in it. Opinions?? Please??
At first glance it is pretty awesome looking. We are going through it more thoroughly now and reading the text and what not. There is supposed to be a "sticky note" function in adobe where I can jsut lave a note right where I want it to avoid any confusion over what I am referring to. It is not available though. It says that it was enabled by the author, so I am wondering if she forgot to do that when she sent it the second time. I re-remailed her about that and if it isn't fixed by the morning I will just make careful notes and email them to her.
There are a few things we want to change. Overall though it looks really great. I am not sure if I should post some of it here or not. I will ask and see if it is ok.
One thing I would like opinions on is which picture do you like better for the front cover? Right now the first pic is the front cover and the second is the back cover. Remember that most of the profiles are rejected just based off the cover photo, so it is REALLY important to ahve a good one. I am going to ask the designer why she picked it, but Dusty and I kind of like the back cover adn the front better. She cropped the second photo to the level of my left armpit, so most of our shirts are not in it. Opinions?? Please??
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Almost Done with Paperwork
I can't believe we are almost done with the gathering of paperwork. The process is a lot of work and requires good organization, but really it has gone much quicker than we were told. It helps that we were both on the same page of overdrive to get it done.
What all have we done so far?
- Fingerprinted twice. The original set was with ink and paper and we mailed those out to the homestudy agency. Apparently for interstate adoption (we may be chosen by a birthmother from anywhere in the US) we need electronic fingerprints. We were told this can take up to 11 weeks, so we rushed and made an appointment for yesterday afternoon. We had the official results within 2 hours :)
- Each wrote a 4 page autobiography. I have to admit this was not my best work. It is used by the homestudy agency only to try to get to know me better. After the interview with all the same basic questions, I didn't spend as much time on this as I would have prior to the interview, but all the information was there.
- Filled out an assets versus liabilities form and emailed a list of our monthly bills and income.
- Completed a 25 page form with probably just shy of 100 questions for a foster application eventhough we will not be fostering. Apparently it is a state law to have one in your file regardless.
- Completed the home interview which was 3.5 hours long of questions.
- Each had a physical exam.
- Insurance forms with proof of home/renters and auto insurance as well as both of our life insurance policies
- Letter of employment with salary for both of us
I think that was it for the homestudy so far.
What do we still need to do?
- 18 hours of education via online courses
- Copies of our birth certificates and marriage license.
- Copy of last year's taxes
- Copy of our health insurance policy stating that an adopted child would be covered
- 3 letters of reference
Whew! We are getting there. I contacted the insurance company today and they will email me a copy of the policy. Dusty gathered our marriage license and birth certificates this morning and made copies. That should leave the taxes, letters of reference and education to go :)
This is on top of the profile that is being worked on which included almost 50 pictures I sent and 5 full pages of text. I don't know what we will do once we are in the waiting phase.
What all have we done so far?
- Fingerprinted twice. The original set was with ink and paper and we mailed those out to the homestudy agency. Apparently for interstate adoption (we may be chosen by a birthmother from anywhere in the US) we need electronic fingerprints. We were told this can take up to 11 weeks, so we rushed and made an appointment for yesterday afternoon. We had the official results within 2 hours :)
- Each wrote a 4 page autobiography. I have to admit this was not my best work. It is used by the homestudy agency only to try to get to know me better. After the interview with all the same basic questions, I didn't spend as much time on this as I would have prior to the interview, but all the information was there.
- Filled out an assets versus liabilities form and emailed a list of our monthly bills and income.
- Completed a 25 page form with probably just shy of 100 questions for a foster application eventhough we will not be fostering. Apparently it is a state law to have one in your file regardless.
- Completed the home interview which was 3.5 hours long of questions.
- Each had a physical exam.
- Insurance forms with proof of home/renters and auto insurance as well as both of our life insurance policies
- Letter of employment with salary for both of us
I think that was it for the homestudy so far.
What do we still need to do?
- 18 hours of education via online courses
- Copies of our birth certificates and marriage license.
- Copy of last year's taxes
- Copy of our health insurance policy stating that an adopted child would be covered
- 3 letters of reference
Whew! We are getting there. I contacted the insurance company today and they will email me a copy of the policy. Dusty gathered our marriage license and birth certificates this morning and made copies. That should leave the taxes, letters of reference and education to go :)
This is on top of the profile that is being worked on which included almost 50 pictures I sent and 5 full pages of text. I don't know what we will do once we are in the waiting phase.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Back in Action
We are back from a lovely vacation that allowed us to relax and forget about life for a little while.Of course that doesn't mean that things stopped moving while we were gone, but for us we got to back off it for just a little bit.
The one important happening is that our profile is currently in the hands of the graphic designer. :) Apparently staying up until 12 am paid off. I made an appointment with the graphic designer to call me while we were on the road Wednesday morning and the first thing she said was that the new pictures I sent to her were even better than the first set! That made me very happy. We talked for about an hour about the various pictures and themes and colors. She asked who my caseworker at the agency is and when I told her she immediatley said that we need the color lavender in the profile. Apparently our case worker has a strong opnion tha tth eprofile needs to be very feminine and lavender adn other pastel colors are the best. I am NOT a pastel person. And I really don't like lavender. She laughed and said that other agencies have great success with other ways and to just be prepared that she will make that comment.
I really seemed to click with the designer. She understood what I wanted and made suggestions. I told her that we like earth tones (green, brown, dark red, and yellow) that are vibrant but not in your face. She seemed to like those colors and thought she could make them fun and lively without being distracting. She also liked the idea of making the background not be just a plain color but instead have an inset of a flower or something that is feminine but not princessy girlie. She said that our agency has not used that before but others have and it looks nice.
There were 2 pictures that she really wants us to get before it is all done and we will get them today or tomorrow. We havea nice write up about our careers and she sadi that that will play well, but we do not ahve any pictures of either of us in work clothes. I am going to get Dusty to take a picture of me in my white coat today adn he will get one in his kermit the frog green scubs.
The proof will be ready on Friday for my review. I can then leave comments about everything and anything. She said that she spends 3 hours a day doing edits and if I get my comments to her before those are up she will have it done same day and if not it will be ready the next day. Depending on how many edits we need and how it looks it could be done by the end of next week :)
The one important happening is that our profile is currently in the hands of the graphic designer. :) Apparently staying up until 12 am paid off. I made an appointment with the graphic designer to call me while we were on the road Wednesday morning and the first thing she said was that the new pictures I sent to her were even better than the first set! That made me very happy. We talked for about an hour about the various pictures and themes and colors. She asked who my caseworker at the agency is and when I told her she immediatley said that we need the color lavender in the profile. Apparently our case worker has a strong opnion tha tth eprofile needs to be very feminine and lavender adn other pastel colors are the best. I am NOT a pastel person. And I really don't like lavender. She laughed and said that other agencies have great success with other ways and to just be prepared that she will make that comment.
I really seemed to click with the designer. She understood what I wanted and made suggestions. I told her that we like earth tones (green, brown, dark red, and yellow) that are vibrant but not in your face. She seemed to like those colors and thought she could make them fun and lively without being distracting. She also liked the idea of making the background not be just a plain color but instead have an inset of a flower or something that is feminine but not princessy girlie. She said that our agency has not used that before but others have and it looks nice.
There were 2 pictures that she really wants us to get before it is all done and we will get them today or tomorrow. We havea nice write up about our careers and she sadi that that will play well, but we do not ahve any pictures of either of us in work clothes. I am going to get Dusty to take a picture of me in my white coat today adn he will get one in his kermit the frog green scubs.
The proof will be ready on Friday for my review. I can then leave comments about everything and anything. She said that she spends 3 hours a day doing edits and if I get my comments to her before those are up she will have it done same day and if not it will be ready the next day. Depending on how many edits we need and how it looks it could be done by the end of next week :)
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