A big, huge THANK YOU to everyone out there for all of the support, prayers and thoughts these past few days (and all the months prior as well). We certainly needed every single one of them to help get us through. We can never express how we feel to all of you enough.
Well, as of 5 pm pST today the adoption became irrevocable. The birthmother can not come back at this point and take him back :) We are sooo excited and can't eblieve what a wonderful gift we have received. Christmas this year will be the best ever!!!
There are still hoops to go through and things to do (such as revoke the birth father rights in 30 days), but for now all we care about is that we finally have our son. Thank you for joining along for the ride so far. Lets hope the rest is easy!!
We will keep you guys updated once Phase 3 of 3 gets started and all the new information we get. Next step, however, is getting our butts back home. Hopefully we will find out tomorrow if we can still leave on Saturday or not.
Thanks again and we will let you know more as we do!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
She signed :)
Wow, what an emotional disaster this has been! I am sooo glad that our relationship is so strong and that the two of us can lean on each other or else I don't know what I would have done. Being so far away from everything familiar is really hard too.
The social worker drove back up here to meet with the birth mother again this afternoon with the forms that were not signed the first time, including the waiver. The first meeting had taken over 2 hours and resulted in forms not getting signed in the end. This time I got a text from the social worker 20 minutes past 12pm saying that everything was completed.
Now the adoption will become irrevocable at 5pm tomorrow PST. 11 1/2 hours to go :) I have refrained from posting any pictures until it is irrevocable, so hang in there. Tomorrow evening you will get bombarded with cuteness :)
The other good news is that she signed additional forms that the state of Wisconsin doesn't really require, but is nice to have. These forms apparently make the process go quicker. They were sent in tonight by Fed Ex. There is still a small chance we get to go home and get our "real" lives started on Saturday. They will keep us posted and let us know how it is going. This step is completely out of our agency's control, so we just have to keep waiting.
This entire becoming a parent journey has been a lesson in patience and waiting without going crazy, I swear. Each step just involves more and more waiting and allowing things to move forward from the first attempts to get pregnant, through the fertility trials and into the beginnings of the adoption process, to being matched to present. It is definitely not for the faint of heart.
I had read once on another blog that I follow that if you could see the entire journey before you started, would you have the nerve to even begin it? It was an intriguing question to me and one that I have kept going back to. The answer in this case is a resounding - YES! Wyatt is worth every tear, every held breath, every moment of tense waiting. I wouldn't skip knowing him for the world.
Hang in there with us a little longer please!!!
The social worker drove back up here to meet with the birth mother again this afternoon with the forms that were not signed the first time, including the waiver. The first meeting had taken over 2 hours and resulted in forms not getting signed in the end. This time I got a text from the social worker 20 minutes past 12pm saying that everything was completed.
Now the adoption will become irrevocable at 5pm tomorrow PST. 11 1/2 hours to go :) I have refrained from posting any pictures until it is irrevocable, so hang in there. Tomorrow evening you will get bombarded with cuteness :)
The other good news is that she signed additional forms that the state of Wisconsin doesn't really require, but is nice to have. These forms apparently make the process go quicker. They were sent in tonight by Fed Ex. There is still a small chance we get to go home and get our "real" lives started on Saturday. They will keep us posted and let us know how it is going. This step is completely out of our agency's control, so we just have to keep waiting.
This entire becoming a parent journey has been a lesson in patience and waiting without going crazy, I swear. Each step just involves more and more waiting and allowing things to move forward from the first attempts to get pregnant, through the fertility trials and into the beginnings of the adoption process, to being matched to present. It is definitely not for the faint of heart.
I had read once on another blog that I follow that if you could see the entire journey before you started, would you have the nerve to even begin it? It was an intriguing question to me and one that I have kept going back to. The answer in this case is a resounding - YES! Wyatt is worth every tear, every held breath, every moment of tense waiting. I wouldn't skip knowing him for the world.
Hang in there with us a little longer please!!!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Quick update: Wyatt got his first bath tonight! No more stinky baby :)
The birth mother called and spoke to our lawyer today. Apparently she did not like how the forms were filled out. Who knows? She is claiming that she didn this for us. I'm too emotionally drained to spend what little I have left on her. All I care about right now is Wyatt.
She was calmed down and informed how her actions hurt us. She said if the papers are fixed she will sign tomorrow. The social worker is meeting her again at 12 tomorrow to sign the remaining papers including the waiver. She said she would sign and had them emailed to her tonight so she can read them first. She swore up and down to me she would sign. And then ended the call by saying not to cry or worry if something happens and she doesnt sign again. What?! Whatever. Actions speak louder than words and I'm too worn out to play her mind games.
We will see what tomorrow at 12 brings.
The birth mother called and spoke to our lawyer today. Apparently she did not like how the forms were filled out. Who knows? She is claiming that she didn this for us. I'm too emotionally drained to spend what little I have left on her. All I care about right now is Wyatt.
She was calmed down and informed how her actions hurt us. She said if the papers are fixed she will sign tomorrow. The social worker is meeting her again at 12 tomorrow to sign the remaining papers including the waiver. She said she would sign and had them emailed to her tonight so she can read them first. She swore up and down to me she would sign. And then ended the call by saying not to cry or worry if something happens and she doesnt sign again. What?! Whatever. Actions speak louder than words and I'm too worn out to play her mind games.
We will see what tomorrow at 12 brings.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Bad News :(
As I am writing this Wyatt is crying in the background because Dusty is changing him and he hates to be changed. It is fitting though because Dusty is also in tears. I, however, am not. Why? Because I sobbed so hard I started vomiting in the Rite Aide parking lot and figured if I was to keep any sort of sanity it had to stop. For now at least.
This is going to be the hardest week of our lives. I don't even know how to do it or if I even can. It would help if family or friends were around to be here, but then again maybe it would just make saying goodbye that much harder with people around also crying, so maybe this is for the better.
As most should know by now, the birth mother signed all the papers except the 30 day waiver which waives her right to have 30 days to change her mind and change it to 5 pm tomorrow. Why is this so important? Because nobody trusts that she won't keep stringing us along for the rest of our lives as a power trip. She actually almost didn't sign anything - she was in a terrible mood for some reason and over a form that meant nothing almost walked out of the place. She was calmed back down, but refused to sign the waiver.
I talked to our lawyer and here is where we stand with this. We have all the paperwork we need to start the process of getting permission to go home. The agency will keep moving forward with that process. Our lawyer said that if by the time we get the okay to leave and go home, she still has not signed the waiver we are to give him back to her and not take him home. Why? Because they see her as revoking the placement at day 30 then refiling the placement paperwork only to give herself 30 more days etc... for a life long power trip and ability to have control over us. As much as we already adore Wyatt and the very thought of saying goodbye kills us to the core and leaves us hollow, we can't do that. We just can't.
He is going to call her again tomorrow over a few other forms she wouldn't sign and talk to her. He has some tricks up his sleeve and the hope is that her pendulum swings back to a level of sanity and she signs. If that doesn't work, he thinks that if we tell her to come get the baby we can't take him home and live in that much fear for that long, she will just sign. We can't push her too hard though because she has the right to file a law suit against us for the next 3 years if she felt coerced, bribed or otherwise forced into the placement. We have a thin line to tread.
So what are we doing? Heading as far away from Modesto as possible and heading south. We made it about 1-2 hours South before Wyatt got fussy over the lack of being held for so long. We will love him and head further south tomorrow. I don't know how we are supposed to love him so much for the next week just to say goodbye to him. But he deserves a good week if thats all we are allowed to give him and I won't take that away from him. Someone said that they had an adoption fall through and were happy in the end because it gave them the child they ended up with. I don't feel that way at all. I will forever, for the rest of my life love Wyatt and will forever think of him and miss him and wonder how he is doing. Even if we say goodbye on Saturday.
This is the single worst thing I can imagine to happen to someone. She doesn't love him. She has never even touched him. She just wants to have power over us. A part of me thinks we are bad people if we walk away from him. But how can we keep doing this? It wouldn't be healthy for him in the long run to have parents always looking over their shoulders and crying.
Please pray to whoever you believe in and keep us in your thoughts. We are devastated and hollow, but will be dedicated to love Wyatt for the next week because he is amazing and perfect and deserves everything in life. We just wish we could be the ones to give it to him. God help us if we do have to say goodbye because I really think it just might kill us.
This is going to be the hardest week of our lives. I don't even know how to do it or if I even can. It would help if family or friends were around to be here, but then again maybe it would just make saying goodbye that much harder with people around also crying, so maybe this is for the better.
As most should know by now, the birth mother signed all the papers except the 30 day waiver which waives her right to have 30 days to change her mind and change it to 5 pm tomorrow. Why is this so important? Because nobody trusts that she won't keep stringing us along for the rest of our lives as a power trip. She actually almost didn't sign anything - she was in a terrible mood for some reason and over a form that meant nothing almost walked out of the place. She was calmed back down, but refused to sign the waiver.
I talked to our lawyer and here is where we stand with this. We have all the paperwork we need to start the process of getting permission to go home. The agency will keep moving forward with that process. Our lawyer said that if by the time we get the okay to leave and go home, she still has not signed the waiver we are to give him back to her and not take him home. Why? Because they see her as revoking the placement at day 30 then refiling the placement paperwork only to give herself 30 more days etc... for a life long power trip and ability to have control over us. As much as we already adore Wyatt and the very thought of saying goodbye kills us to the core and leaves us hollow, we can't do that. We just can't.
He is going to call her again tomorrow over a few other forms she wouldn't sign and talk to her. He has some tricks up his sleeve and the hope is that her pendulum swings back to a level of sanity and she signs. If that doesn't work, he thinks that if we tell her to come get the baby we can't take him home and live in that much fear for that long, she will just sign. We can't push her too hard though because she has the right to file a law suit against us for the next 3 years if she felt coerced, bribed or otherwise forced into the placement. We have a thin line to tread.
So what are we doing? Heading as far away from Modesto as possible and heading south. We made it about 1-2 hours South before Wyatt got fussy over the lack of being held for so long. We will love him and head further south tomorrow. I don't know how we are supposed to love him so much for the next week just to say goodbye to him. But he deserves a good week if thats all we are allowed to give him and I won't take that away from him. Someone said that they had an adoption fall through and were happy in the end because it gave them the child they ended up with. I don't feel that way at all. I will forever, for the rest of my life love Wyatt and will forever think of him and miss him and wonder how he is doing. Even if we say goodbye on Saturday.
This is the single worst thing I can imagine to happen to someone. She doesn't love him. She has never even touched him. She just wants to have power over us. A part of me thinks we are bad people if we walk away from him. But how can we keep doing this? It wouldn't be healthy for him in the long run to have parents always looking over their shoulders and crying.
Please pray to whoever you believe in and keep us in your thoughts. We are devastated and hollow, but will be dedicated to love Wyatt for the next week because he is amazing and perfect and deserves everything in life. We just wish we could be the ones to give it to him. God help us if we do have to say goodbye because I really think it just might kill us.
Saturday, December 1, 2012
A rollercoast of emotions
I'll start at the end to erase any super fears...we have Wyatt with us in the hotel which means that the birth mother signed a form allowing us to take him with us. She is still currently admitted and the plan so far is for her to be discharged tomorrow and sign the papers Monday if things go well.
Ok..so what all has happened???
It started with our flight. I wanted to get to the airport a half hour earlier than my usual paranoid 2 hours because we had a lot of baby stuff and no baby and I was worried that they would question us about that. We got there 3 hours before the flight (no traffic) and sailed through a no line security area. We had time for breakfast so we ate at Chilis and then bought a couple books to read. When we got to our gate they informed us that the weather in San Fran was terrible and we were delayed a half hour. No big deal. Well, a half and hour turned into 2 hours and we were getting worried we never would get there and have to come up with a plan B. Stress level - mild - moderate. We eventually left and had a bumpy 4 hour flight.
We made it in time to get a rental car and meet up with the birth mother for dinner at Outback. She said that she was told to get to the hospital at 5 am and that if she is ready early she could go early, but her scheduled time was 7:30 am. We met her there at 5 am (we actually got there at the same time and walked in with her) and we got to hang out in her pre-op room. She was very, very nervous about the spinal due to a previous bad experience and asked for a general, but they refused to do it. We ended up getting bumped for an emergency c-section, but the communication from the staff was horrendous and we had to track people down to get information. She kept getting more and more worked up the entire time and finally she was taken 2 hours late (there is a theme here). Stress level - mild for us, pretty darn high for her.
I was told to wait outside the OR and once she was prepped and numb I would be brought back so see the birth. Well, as she anticipated the epidural did not go well and they eventually converted her to a general. I was not permitted in the room because it was a general now (not sure why though). Stress level - mild.
In the meantime Dusty was on the task of getting us a room. It was super, super, super important to our Birth mother that we never leave the baby's side and if he had to go to the nursery she would request him be brought to her room to stay. Chances of us getting him if that happened - zilch. This hospital is small and the people on staff Thursday morning didn't know what to do with us. We were told we couldn't have a room and that visitors had to leave every night by 11 pm (actually even the father had to leave at 11 pm and could return at 6 am which I found odd). Stress level - through the roof!! I tried to explain that we were not visitors - we are the adoptive parents, but they were not hearing it at all. I seriously felt like sobbing and giving up, but I didn't and we kept talking to anyone we could.
At 9:41am little baby Wyatt entered the world and the nicest nurse on the planet brought him to us and let us be with him in a pre-op room. She had cut the umbilical cord super long so that I could get a pic of me cutting it short (I LOVE the nurse!!) and we got to be with him and put his first diaper on. I am not allowing myself to post pictures until it is all final, but let me tell you - he is beautiful and perfect in every single little way :) She gave us private time with him and then we followed him up to the nursery where he would have to wait while his body temp came up and then could get a bath and then wait until it came back up and stabilized again. We stayed beside him the entire time and finally everyone got the idea that we were not going anywhere. I had called my agency and they were furious with the hospital saying they never ran into this before. They said our lawyer would get involved if it continued because they would be causing us to lose this baby. In the end the new nurses at shift change came through (sort of) for us and found us a place to stay. We got the nursing conference/break room which was still in the security area. Pros - we could keep Wyatt in there 24/7 and be with him non stop and it provided plenty of bonding time. Cons - no bed, no carpet, no TV, no windows, no bathroom, no internet, no thermostat. They did bring us a couple blankets and pillows, but sleeping on the hard tile floor in a room that went from 100 degrees to 40 randomly was no fun. The second night around 4 am they popped in and saw us on the floor and brought a recliner in which Dusty and I took turns sleeping in the night. I never wanted a bed more in my life or a shower!!! The lack of windows drove us stir crazy - almost literally. We each had to take breaks to go walk around outside. The hospital is super strcit and you can only have the baby in your room or the nursery or in transit to/from one to the other. This meant we couldn't take him for a little walk around the floor and were literally stuck in a small, cramped room with hard office chairs and nothing to do for 48 hours. He is worth every second of it though and I would do it again if we had to.
The birth mother had her own ups and downs. She awoke from the procedure feeling happy and content but then her family started pressuring her to see the baby. She had made up her mind that she didn't want to, but had a melt down of tears over it leading us to believe she was changing her mind. At one point she demanded to sign the papers threatening that if it waited a single day she wouldn't signs them, but she couldn't sign them due to the meds she had on board. Stress level - higher than I thought possible. We got in touch with our agent again and she got in touch with our social worker who is a godsend and talked her through it all. She stated she wasn't changing her mind about the adoption but did want to see him. Yesterday she came over to our sweat box and saw our situation and met the baby. She didn't hold him or touch him and left feeling content. She came back later with her mother and her 2 year old son who also just looked and the left. Her mom congratulated us on him which was surprising.
We have spent a lot more time than we anticipated with the birth mother. Her family abandoned her at the hospital and was sporadic with visiting when she needed support, so we stepped in an spent a lot of time with her. At first we went separately (Dusty would go as I watched Wyatt and then I would go when he got back) but then she started coming to our room and talking while we held Wyatt. It calmed her to see how much we bonded with him and loved him. It was hard on us though becasue she is so controlling and sometimes it is just hard to bite your tongue. We have managed so far though and only have a little longer to go.
She signed the paper allowing us to take him out of the hospital yesterday and we discharged (thank God!!!! We now have a bed!!!!) this afternoon. She wanted to be there for the discharge and was sad when we left. I told her we would visit in the morning and she brightened up a lot and then tonight she texted asking if we could do dinner at her favorite Mexican place tomorrow night. She should be discharged tomorrow afternoon and wants to wait to sign the paper Monday at 12 pm with our social worker. That means 2 things for us - 1 we have all day tomorrow to love him and snuggle with him with the horrid thought that she could take him away from us still and 2- our departure date of Saturday may not work and we may need to stay until the following tues - ouch!!!! We will see, but the paperwork can't get filed until Tuesday morning which only gives us a tiny window for things to occur. Given how it has gone so far, my hopes are not high. Places are closed over the weekend, so the earliest we could get approval would be Monday so maybe we could catch a late flight out but it would probably have to wait until Tuesday.
For now we are finally clean (1st shower since 4 am Thursday and incidentally first time I took my blue jeans off since then too - I think I may throw them away), have a soft place to sleep and a thermostat to control. We have a window, a tv and obviously internet. We have Wyatt and I honestly don't know how I would get through losing him at this point, so please keep up the support!!!!!!
Ok..so what all has happened???
It started with our flight. I wanted to get to the airport a half hour earlier than my usual paranoid 2 hours because we had a lot of baby stuff and no baby and I was worried that they would question us about that. We got there 3 hours before the flight (no traffic) and sailed through a no line security area. We had time for breakfast so we ate at Chilis and then bought a couple books to read. When we got to our gate they informed us that the weather in San Fran was terrible and we were delayed a half hour. No big deal. Well, a half and hour turned into 2 hours and we were getting worried we never would get there and have to come up with a plan B. Stress level - mild - moderate. We eventually left and had a bumpy 4 hour flight.
We made it in time to get a rental car and meet up with the birth mother for dinner at Outback. She said that she was told to get to the hospital at 5 am and that if she is ready early she could go early, but her scheduled time was 7:30 am. We met her there at 5 am (we actually got there at the same time and walked in with her) and we got to hang out in her pre-op room. She was very, very nervous about the spinal due to a previous bad experience and asked for a general, but they refused to do it. We ended up getting bumped for an emergency c-section, but the communication from the staff was horrendous and we had to track people down to get information. She kept getting more and more worked up the entire time and finally she was taken 2 hours late (there is a theme here). Stress level - mild for us, pretty darn high for her.
I was told to wait outside the OR and once she was prepped and numb I would be brought back so see the birth. Well, as she anticipated the epidural did not go well and they eventually converted her to a general. I was not permitted in the room because it was a general now (not sure why though). Stress level - mild.
In the meantime Dusty was on the task of getting us a room. It was super, super, super important to our Birth mother that we never leave the baby's side and if he had to go to the nursery she would request him be brought to her room to stay. Chances of us getting him if that happened - zilch. This hospital is small and the people on staff Thursday morning didn't know what to do with us. We were told we couldn't have a room and that visitors had to leave every night by 11 pm (actually even the father had to leave at 11 pm and could return at 6 am which I found odd). Stress level - through the roof!! I tried to explain that we were not visitors - we are the adoptive parents, but they were not hearing it at all. I seriously felt like sobbing and giving up, but I didn't and we kept talking to anyone we could.
At 9:41am little baby Wyatt entered the world and the nicest nurse on the planet brought him to us and let us be with him in a pre-op room. She had cut the umbilical cord super long so that I could get a pic of me cutting it short (I LOVE the nurse!!) and we got to be with him and put his first diaper on. I am not allowing myself to post pictures until it is all final, but let me tell you - he is beautiful and perfect in every single little way :) She gave us private time with him and then we followed him up to the nursery where he would have to wait while his body temp came up and then could get a bath and then wait until it came back up and stabilized again. We stayed beside him the entire time and finally everyone got the idea that we were not going anywhere. I had called my agency and they were furious with the hospital saying they never ran into this before. They said our lawyer would get involved if it continued because they would be causing us to lose this baby. In the end the new nurses at shift change came through (sort of) for us and found us a place to stay. We got the nursing conference/break room which was still in the security area. Pros - we could keep Wyatt in there 24/7 and be with him non stop and it provided plenty of bonding time. Cons - no bed, no carpet, no TV, no windows, no bathroom, no internet, no thermostat. They did bring us a couple blankets and pillows, but sleeping on the hard tile floor in a room that went from 100 degrees to 40 randomly was no fun. The second night around 4 am they popped in and saw us on the floor and brought a recliner in which Dusty and I took turns sleeping in the night. I never wanted a bed more in my life or a shower!!! The lack of windows drove us stir crazy - almost literally. We each had to take breaks to go walk around outside. The hospital is super strcit and you can only have the baby in your room or the nursery or in transit to/from one to the other. This meant we couldn't take him for a little walk around the floor and were literally stuck in a small, cramped room with hard office chairs and nothing to do for 48 hours. He is worth every second of it though and I would do it again if we had to.
The birth mother had her own ups and downs. She awoke from the procedure feeling happy and content but then her family started pressuring her to see the baby. She had made up her mind that she didn't want to, but had a melt down of tears over it leading us to believe she was changing her mind. At one point she demanded to sign the papers threatening that if it waited a single day she wouldn't signs them, but she couldn't sign them due to the meds she had on board. Stress level - higher than I thought possible. We got in touch with our agent again and she got in touch with our social worker who is a godsend and talked her through it all. She stated she wasn't changing her mind about the adoption but did want to see him. Yesterday she came over to our sweat box and saw our situation and met the baby. She didn't hold him or touch him and left feeling content. She came back later with her mother and her 2 year old son who also just looked and the left. Her mom congratulated us on him which was surprising.
We have spent a lot more time than we anticipated with the birth mother. Her family abandoned her at the hospital and was sporadic with visiting when she needed support, so we stepped in an spent a lot of time with her. At first we went separately (Dusty would go as I watched Wyatt and then I would go when he got back) but then she started coming to our room and talking while we held Wyatt. It calmed her to see how much we bonded with him and loved him. It was hard on us though becasue she is so controlling and sometimes it is just hard to bite your tongue. We have managed so far though and only have a little longer to go.
She signed the paper allowing us to take him out of the hospital yesterday and we discharged (thank God!!!! We now have a bed!!!!) this afternoon. She wanted to be there for the discharge and was sad when we left. I told her we would visit in the morning and she brightened up a lot and then tonight she texted asking if we could do dinner at her favorite Mexican place tomorrow night. She should be discharged tomorrow afternoon and wants to wait to sign the paper Monday at 12 pm with our social worker. That means 2 things for us - 1 we have all day tomorrow to love him and snuggle with him with the horrid thought that she could take him away from us still and 2- our departure date of Saturday may not work and we may need to stay until the following tues - ouch!!!! We will see, but the paperwork can't get filed until Tuesday morning which only gives us a tiny window for things to occur. Given how it has gone so far, my hopes are not high. Places are closed over the weekend, so the earliest we could get approval would be Monday so maybe we could catch a late flight out but it would probably have to wait until Tuesday.
For now we are finally clean (1st shower since 4 am Thursday and incidentally first time I took my blue jeans off since then too - I think I may throw them away), have a soft place to sleep and a thermostat to control. We have a window, a tv and obviously internet. We have Wyatt and I honestly don't know how I would get through losing him at this point, so please keep up the support!!!!!!
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