I love our agency for matching us with a confident birthmother in a short 3 months. I really do. If we ever decided to go through the process again I think it will be easier knowing how everything works.
What was my melt down over? What our agency seems to not be very good at is filling me in on the details that I want to know in a timely fashion. I have wanted a list from the get go of what to expect and when in the process to expect it. They have not been able/willing to provide this for me. It leaves me feeling like I am in the dark.
Example: We have now met with our birthmother and I know there are plenty of things that need to occur between now and when she delivers. I just have no clue what those things are or when they need done because I keep being told they will let me know when the time comes. What they fail to understand is that we are 2 hours ahead of them and have long work days where we can't just drop everything to do something at the last minute.
So what happened you ask? I had emailed our casse worker the beginning of the week about our visit and asked her what happens next. She said that I will get a call or email from the independent social worker who will be responsible for meeting with the birthmother in advance and going over the paperwork and will also be present at discharge for the paperwork to be signed. I got a phone call and then an email of information from this woman (who is very nice) this afternoon and my head exploded.
In her packet of information she stated very clearly that the birthmother has 30 days to change her mind and ask for the baby back. Huh?!?!?! We were told 5 pm the business day after discharge. Where is this 30 days coming from? I emailed asking her this stating that our agency has told us the above and she responded that the birthmother has 30 days, but could sign a waiver for those 30 days and turning it into 5 pm. So....wait....she could decide not to sign this and we could either a) be stuck in california for 30+ days or b) bring home baby Wyatt and have to give him back 30 days later?????
I then emailed my case worker at the agency and I admit it wasn't the most friendly email I have ever sent. I did re-read it before I sent it, but seriously 2 days versus 30 days is a HUGE deal. I got out of work earlier than anticipated and gave her a call to clear things up. She said that yes, the waiver existed and needs to be signed or she has 30 full days, but that our specific agency does not allow that to happen and so they don't bring it up. Huh? How do they not allow it to happen? well, she said that they inform the birthmother that the adoption won't go forward if she doesn't sign it because it is too risky for the adoptive parents. Long conversation short she has never in 10 years had a birthmother not sign the waiver. Fine, great. Things are wonderful...but in the future it might be nice to warn the adoptive parents in advance so that in an emotionally charged situation things like this don't pop up and push people over the edge. Geesh!
Ok...deep breath and moving on.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
A whirlwind of a weekend
Phew!!! What a weekend!! Again, I apologize in advance for some lack of detail, but I don't think it is appropriate to post some things online.
We left for California Friday early morning. We have a small airport 15 minutes away, but flying out of there is really expensive and with another flight in November coming up we decided to drive to the airport that is 3 hours away and save the layover too. That meant leaving the house by 5:30 am which is my usual getting up time, so it wasn't too bad. The flight left 40 minutes late, but was otherwise uneventful and we left 20 degree weather to land in 80 and sunny...well technically Friday was 65 and cloudy, but Saturday was 80 and sunny so that counts :)
We had a 2 hour drive from that airport to the town the birthmother lives in and then we checked into our hotel. We hadn't made any definite plans, so on the way I texted her to see what she was up to. She wanted to do dinner that night and informed me that her 2 years old's father (who she lives with, but isn't involved with at all..don't ask...I don't know) was going to be there to meet us as well and maybe her mother too. I hadn't been that nervous until then! A whole crew was going to be there and my stomach was doing flips! I wanted to check in and change out of our travelling grubby clothes and had hoped to get a shower too, but with our flight being so late she wanted to get a table right then and have us meet her there. I told we her had to change but would get there as soon as possible.
Dinner was great. Her mother didn't end up coming and her son's father was a nice guy. He seemed really young, but was nice and easy to talk to. We met her 2 year old son who is absolutely adorable! He was very well behaved even though he had a cold and it was getting late by the time we left. We talked a lot about various things. She focused on her educational plans and life plans and I am not sure if she was trying to impress upon us that she was planning for better things or that she too could get a higher education or what, but we listened and gave support for what she is trying to accomplish with her life.
We parted ways and then met up for breakfast on Saturday with just her and her son. Afterwards we went to Babies R Us which was awkward, but she had suggested it before because there was a specific type of formula she wanted to show us. Once there though she seemed disinterested and just wandered around. I don't know if she felt out of place or if she wished she was shopping for herself or what, but it was weird and slightly uncomfortable to shop for the baby she is carrying that we want to raise. We left there and headed to the hospital so we could get familiar with it. She made the comment that she wished she could have the c-section now while we are all there and I definitely agreed if it was closer to her due date. We took a break then and then met up for lunch later and parted ways around 3 pm so she could get the car back for her son's dad to take to work that night.
We then headed to Yosemite which was amazing!
All in all it was a good trip, well minus the getting up at 2 am to get the the airport for our 6 am out flight and then being crammed in the plane and driving 3 hours home after landing all to come home and find out that our eldest cat, Ani, was not doing well at all and had to be put down last night. Very sad and we miss him bunches. :(
I don't know if we did any good going out there and meeting with her. I don't think we lost any ground and it was great to meet her son. He is sooo cute and social. If it makes her more comfortable with her decision, then it was all worth it in the end. It is a hard relationship to build though since we really have very little in common and while we want her to be comfortable enough with us to continue with the plan neither of us really want to continue a relationship afterward so there were a lot of awkward silences once the small talk ran out and we had pretty much already covered the important plans. I hope we did settle any concerns she had and that she feels comfortable knowing us better and that we will love and take care of baby Wyatt forever.
We left for California Friday early morning. We have a small airport 15 minutes away, but flying out of there is really expensive and with another flight in November coming up we decided to drive to the airport that is 3 hours away and save the layover too. That meant leaving the house by 5:30 am which is my usual getting up time, so it wasn't too bad. The flight left 40 minutes late, but was otherwise uneventful and we left 20 degree weather to land in 80 and sunny...well technically Friday was 65 and cloudy, but Saturday was 80 and sunny so that counts :)
We had a 2 hour drive from that airport to the town the birthmother lives in and then we checked into our hotel. We hadn't made any definite plans, so on the way I texted her to see what she was up to. She wanted to do dinner that night and informed me that her 2 years old's father (who she lives with, but isn't involved with at all..don't ask...I don't know) was going to be there to meet us as well and maybe her mother too. I hadn't been that nervous until then! A whole crew was going to be there and my stomach was doing flips! I wanted to check in and change out of our travelling grubby clothes and had hoped to get a shower too, but with our flight being so late she wanted to get a table right then and have us meet her there. I told we her had to change but would get there as soon as possible.
Dinner was great. Her mother didn't end up coming and her son's father was a nice guy. He seemed really young, but was nice and easy to talk to. We met her 2 year old son who is absolutely adorable! He was very well behaved even though he had a cold and it was getting late by the time we left. We talked a lot about various things. She focused on her educational plans and life plans and I am not sure if she was trying to impress upon us that she was planning for better things or that she too could get a higher education or what, but we listened and gave support for what she is trying to accomplish with her life.
We parted ways and then met up for breakfast on Saturday with just her and her son. Afterwards we went to Babies R Us which was awkward, but she had suggested it before because there was a specific type of formula she wanted to show us. Once there though she seemed disinterested and just wandered around. I don't know if she felt out of place or if she wished she was shopping for herself or what, but it was weird and slightly uncomfortable to shop for the baby she is carrying that we want to raise. We left there and headed to the hospital so we could get familiar with it. She made the comment that she wished she could have the c-section now while we are all there and I definitely agreed if it was closer to her due date. We took a break then and then met up for lunch later and parted ways around 3 pm so she could get the car back for her son's dad to take to work that night.
We then headed to Yosemite which was amazing!
All in all it was a good trip, well minus the getting up at 2 am to get the the airport for our 6 am out flight and then being crammed in the plane and driving 3 hours home after landing all to come home and find out that our eldest cat, Ani, was not doing well at all and had to be put down last night. Very sad and we miss him bunches. :(
I don't know if we did any good going out there and meeting with her. I don't think we lost any ground and it was great to meet her son. He is sooo cute and social. If it makes her more comfortable with her decision, then it was all worth it in the end. It is a hard relationship to build though since we really have very little in common and while we want her to be comfortable enough with us to continue with the plan neither of us really want to continue a relationship afterward so there were a lot of awkward silences once the small talk ran out and we had pretty much already covered the important plans. I hope we did settle any concerns she had and that she feels comfortable knowing us better and that we will love and take care of baby Wyatt forever.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Shopping
First, thanks to everyone who commented with an opinion both on here and facebook!! I really appreciate it!
From what everyone said, we are going to go with 1 long flight and hope he sleeps through it ;) Actually thinking it over I think this trip will go much smoother than the loooong drive when we move after residency 10-12 hours back towards home with an 8 month old :) Now to just bite the bullet and book the flight.
Apparently, Judges do not work on the weekend, so if we do not get approval to leave by Fri we won't get it until sometime Monday and won't be able to get a flight until Tuesday :( Thats 2 whole weeks!! With the way things usually go, I think we will be best off if we just book the return for that Tuesday and if we can leave earlier decide if it is worth the added flight expense to get home or not. It will probably just depend on the timing - 1 day probably not worth it, a few days would be though.
We went baby shopping today!!! I was a little hampered by the hubby who was not quite as excited about all the cute outfits, but he did help keep me on task since this was about getting the the bigger items.
We don't have that many good stores here in small town USA, but the local Toys R Us has a small baby section and then there is Target. We hit Toys R Us first and found a nice rocking chair, a couple swaddle me blankets, a great diaper bag that I really love and isn't girly so Dusty can carry it too, a couple sleepers, and an adorable fleece zip up hoodie with matching fleece pants. Dusty made me put back the newborn size wool peacoat arguing that it would only fit him for about 30 seconds and would probably stay on for even less time, but man was it cute :) We messed around with the travel strollers there for a long time, but just didn't any of them for what we need/want. They have a nice jogger, but for an everyday stroller it is big and obnoxious.
Target was next and we finally found a stroller we liked. I wish the colors were a bit better, but it is unisex so if we ever do this while thing again and have a girl this should still work. It is lightweight but still sturdy and is cushy inside for his little baby body and head. Of course I had grabbed a shopping basket and Dusty looked at it asking me how on earth I was planning on fitting it in the basket. He then ran and got a cart grumbling that it would never fit as I called out that it would. Well, when he got back he looked at me and said "make it fit" I picked it up, but it was awkward and I dropped it. A worker was walking by as I was laughing and asked if I needed help to which I replied "no, he is just being a bad husband and not doing his job" which made Dusty turn red and the guy laugh :) Outside of that we got a pack of muslin blankets that can be used for tummy time, swaddling, burp cloths...you name it! It was a successful trip.
All that is left is to fill that diaper bag and get formula, but we are going to wait on that stuff until it is a little closer.
From what everyone said, we are going to go with 1 long flight and hope he sleeps through it ;) Actually thinking it over I think this trip will go much smoother than the loooong drive when we move after residency 10-12 hours back towards home with an 8 month old :) Now to just bite the bullet and book the flight.
Apparently, Judges do not work on the weekend, so if we do not get approval to leave by Fri we won't get it until sometime Monday and won't be able to get a flight until Tuesday :( Thats 2 whole weeks!! With the way things usually go, I think we will be best off if we just book the return for that Tuesday and if we can leave earlier decide if it is worth the added flight expense to get home or not. It will probably just depend on the timing - 1 day probably not worth it, a few days would be though.
We went baby shopping today!!! I was a little hampered by the hubby who was not quite as excited about all the cute outfits, but he did help keep me on task since this was about getting the the bigger items.
We don't have that many good stores here in small town USA, but the local Toys R Us has a small baby section and then there is Target. We hit Toys R Us first and found a nice rocking chair, a couple swaddle me blankets, a great diaper bag that I really love and isn't girly so Dusty can carry it too, a couple sleepers, and an adorable fleece zip up hoodie with matching fleece pants. Dusty made me put back the newborn size wool peacoat arguing that it would only fit him for about 30 seconds and would probably stay on for even less time, but man was it cute :) We messed around with the travel strollers there for a long time, but just didn't any of them for what we need/want. They have a nice jogger, but for an everyday stroller it is big and obnoxious.
Target was next and we finally found a stroller we liked. I wish the colors were a bit better, but it is unisex so if we ever do this while thing again and have a girl this should still work. It is lightweight but still sturdy and is cushy inside for his little baby body and head. Of course I had grabbed a shopping basket and Dusty looked at it asking me how on earth I was planning on fitting it in the basket. He then ran and got a cart grumbling that it would never fit as I called out that it would. Well, when he got back he looked at me and said "make it fit" I picked it up, but it was awkward and I dropped it. A worker was walking by as I was laughing and asked if I needed help to which I replied "no, he is just being a bad husband and not doing his job" which made Dusty turn red and the guy laugh :) Outside of that we got a pack of muslin blankets that can be used for tummy time, swaddling, burp cloths...you name it! It was a successful trip.
All that is left is to fill that diaper bag and get formula, but we are going to wait on that stuff until it is a little closer.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Decisions, decisions, decisions
56 days to go!!! :)
Our biggest dilemma right now is travel plans for November. From what we know here is the timeline we *think* is going to play out:
Thurs 11/29: C-section
Sat 12/1 or Sun 12/2: Discharge from the hospital
Tues 12/4: 5 pm adoption becomes irrevocable
Wed 12/5: WI approves interstate adoption
Thurs 12/6: Information travels to CA
Fri 12/7: CA approves interstate adoption
Sat 12/8: We are free to roam about the country :)
Based on that timeline, we should be safe to get a return flight on Sat or Sun. What we need to ask the attorney is if the judge doesn't approve it by Fri, are we stuck until Mon or do they work on the weekend? Why is all this important?? Airlines.
A round trip ticket is looking to be around $350/person. A single, one way ticket is also $350/person. A flexible trip ticket that would allow us to change the return date/city at will is $800 EXTRA. Not going to happen. Trip insurance is not that expensive and covers the cost of the ticket in the event something happens, but we don't qualify for that because not legally being allowed to leave the state isn't on the list of reasons to change your ticket. Go figure ;) Here are our thoughts in order of likelihood of occurence and feel free to comment:
1.) Buy the round trip ticket with return on Sat or Sun and if we can leave earlier or have to leave later, buy the one way tickets at that time. Money-wise this makes some sense since we really are getting a "free" return flight if we can keep the originally scheduled date.
2.) Buy one way there and wait until we know when we can leave and just book it then. Doesn't make a ton of sense, but it is a choice.
3.) Buy round trip and just drive home once we can leave to save the money on a return flight if we can't leave on the original date. The problem with this is driving with an infant for many, many, many hours in the winter over the Rockies. Hmmmm....
4.) Take the train back. This was intriguing until I looked it up and found out that the cost is around $1000 one way. Nope. Not doable.
Our second dilemma is to have an extra layover or not. I am leaning towards not, but here is the thought process. We will have one layover because there are no direct flights to our airport, but thats ok. It is only a 35 min flight. A single 5 hour flight would eliminate the bussle and noise and stress of a new airport as well as 2 pressure changes for his baby ears. The problem is that 5 hours of a crying baby is sure to annoy the entire flight and we are stuck to walking the aisle only if he is fussy. Not much room to change him in the bathroom or the stretch out. Having a second layover to break that up would give us shorter flights and time to walk the airport with larger bathrooms and stores with food for us and supplies once we realize the 15 things we forgot to bring along. The problem with this is stress of maneuvering through an unknown airport that is busy and the 2 added pressure changes to his baby ears as well as added time overall to the trip. I keep going back and forth on this. I *think* we are leaning toward one long flight, but this is a hard decision.
What else is going on? We bought a nice little dresser for him so we have a place for his clothes and supplies. It was only $10 at a garage sale and is in great condition (well, it needs new paint but that is it). We still have EVERYTHING else to buy and will be getting on that shortly. October is insanely busy for me: job interview taking me out of town this weekend, next weekend flying to meet the birthmother, the following I am here but on call, and the last weekend I am at a conference in Miami. It will get done somehow. Actually, I think we are going to find a baby store when we are in Cali next weekend with downtime and do some shopping. Most of it we will have them drop ship to our house so we don't have to worry about getting it back on the airplane.
And last, but definitly not least.....we have decided on a name for him!!!!! It took a bit and we kept going back and forth and I kept holding out for my original favorite name, but Dusty really hated it. Anyway....
Wyatt Duane Borkosky
Duane is Dusty's, his dad's and his brother's middle name and we really liked the family connection that would give. Wyatt is just cute :)
Our biggest dilemma right now is travel plans for November. From what we know here is the timeline we *think* is going to play out:
Thurs 11/29: C-section
Sat 12/1 or Sun 12/2: Discharge from the hospital
Tues 12/4: 5 pm adoption becomes irrevocable
Wed 12/5: WI approves interstate adoption
Thurs 12/6: Information travels to CA
Fri 12/7: CA approves interstate adoption
Sat 12/8: We are free to roam about the country :)
Based on that timeline, we should be safe to get a return flight on Sat or Sun. What we need to ask the attorney is if the judge doesn't approve it by Fri, are we stuck until Mon or do they work on the weekend? Why is all this important?? Airlines.
A round trip ticket is looking to be around $350/person. A single, one way ticket is also $350/person. A flexible trip ticket that would allow us to change the return date/city at will is $800 EXTRA. Not going to happen. Trip insurance is not that expensive and covers the cost of the ticket in the event something happens, but we don't qualify for that because not legally being allowed to leave the state isn't on the list of reasons to change your ticket. Go figure ;) Here are our thoughts in order of likelihood of occurence and feel free to comment:
1.) Buy the round trip ticket with return on Sat or Sun and if we can leave earlier or have to leave later, buy the one way tickets at that time. Money-wise this makes some sense since we really are getting a "free" return flight if we can keep the originally scheduled date.
2.) Buy one way there and wait until we know when we can leave and just book it then. Doesn't make a ton of sense, but it is a choice.
3.) Buy round trip and just drive home once we can leave to save the money on a return flight if we can't leave on the original date. The problem with this is driving with an infant for many, many, many hours in the winter over the Rockies. Hmmmm....
4.) Take the train back. This was intriguing until I looked it up and found out that the cost is around $1000 one way. Nope. Not doable.
Our second dilemma is to have an extra layover or not. I am leaning towards not, but here is the thought process. We will have one layover because there are no direct flights to our airport, but thats ok. It is only a 35 min flight. A single 5 hour flight would eliminate the bussle and noise and stress of a new airport as well as 2 pressure changes for his baby ears. The problem is that 5 hours of a crying baby is sure to annoy the entire flight and we are stuck to walking the aisle only if he is fussy. Not much room to change him in the bathroom or the stretch out. Having a second layover to break that up would give us shorter flights and time to walk the airport with larger bathrooms and stores with food for us and supplies once we realize the 15 things we forgot to bring along. The problem with this is stress of maneuvering through an unknown airport that is busy and the 2 added pressure changes to his baby ears as well as added time overall to the trip. I keep going back and forth on this. I *think* we are leaning toward one long flight, but this is a hard decision.
What else is going on? We bought a nice little dresser for him so we have a place for his clothes and supplies. It was only $10 at a garage sale and is in great condition (well, it needs new paint but that is it). We still have EVERYTHING else to buy and will be getting on that shortly. October is insanely busy for me: job interview taking me out of town this weekend, next weekend flying to meet the birthmother, the following I am here but on call, and the last weekend I am at a conference in Miami. It will get done somehow. Actually, I think we are going to find a baby store when we are in Cali next weekend with downtime and do some shopping. Most of it we will have them drop ship to our house so we don't have to worry about getting it back on the airplane.
And last, but definitly not least.....we have decided on a name for him!!!!! It took a bit and we kept going back and forth and I kept holding out for my original favorite name, but Dusty really hated it. Anyway....
Wyatt Duane Borkosky
Duane is Dusty's, his dad's and his brother's middle name and we really liked the family connection that would give. Wyatt is just cute :)
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