Yes, we are still alive and kicking. It has been an incredibly busy couple of weeks and has nothing to do with the adoption unfortunately. Just life getting in the way again.
I don't know if I had mentioned, but my parents came to visit over the Memorial Day weekend and my mom bought us a really cute unisex bassinet that I just love. It is a tan giraffe print on top with bright green piping and a dark brown lower portion. The mattress has a giraffe, monkey, elephant and something else I can't remember right now on it as does the little plush mobile. It also makes soothing noises and has a changing table. She also got us a really adorable swing that is the most plush fleece I have felt and is a sheep pattern. I'd sleep in the thing if I could fit! Of course the cats helped to inspect everything and make sure it is comfortable and easy to use. I will post pictures when I am at home.
Well, back to talking about the expense associated with all this. Where was I? Phase 2 I think.
Phase 2:
This is the more interesting part when it comes to talking about expenses. Phase 2 begins once the match has been made and accepted by both the birthmother and the prospective adopting parents and ends once the baby is born (or one or both parities changes their mind, but lets not think about that).
It is illegal to exchange money for a child. That was called slavery. Most of the birthmothers need help, however, and it in not illegal to provide for the birthmother which is an act of charity. Basically, in this phase, once we have accepted a match we take over responsibility for living expenses for the birthmother until the baby is born. This is why there is such a large range given for the overall cost. Think of it like this example:
Birthmother #1: A 16 year old girl going to high school in the middle of nowhere Wyoming and living with her parents. She chooses us with 2 weeks left to go.
Birthmother #2: A 30 year old single woman with a small apartment in downtown Manhattan living alone and unable to work due to the pregnancy. She chooses us with 3 months to go.
Obviously the second birthmother will require a lot more money during this phase than the first. What are we responsible for?
- Rent
- Food money
-Utilities
- Getting to and from the doctor for pregnancy related visits
- Fun money to pass away the time
We are not responsible for any medical related fees, since all pregnant women in the USA are immediately placed on Medical Assistance if not on insurance already.
When we created our account with the agency they asked us what range of birthmother expenses we were willing/able to allow - low, medium, high. We chose high, not because we have a money tree out back, but really, in the grander scheme of things it wasn't a breaking point. It also would not eliminate any potential women just based on that. If we did get chosen by someone that would end up requiring way more than we are prepared for, we would have the decision to say no to the match.
While I am not 100% sure on the exact way it is handled, I know that we have a pool of money with the agency (all on the credit card, ick) for this reason (or will have anyway once we get chosen). Every expense must be cleared by us in advance, so the birthmother can't decide to go on a weekend get-a-way at the spa and charge us for it. Or tell us that she needs $1,000 for groceries this week. What I don't know yet is if she pays for it herself up front and then submits a receipt and request for money or if she asks before she spends it. Either way, we get to say yes or no with the understanding that we can't say no to everything or basic needs. It is more for the fun things - like going to get a pedicure or to rent a movie etc...
This does also depend on the state she lives in. Pennsylvania does not allow any money for any reason at all. Guess how many birthmothers adopt in PA? Yup, pretty much none. Other states put a cap on the total amount or limit how it is spent.
More on Phase 2 in the next post....
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