Q&A Session 2: Expenses Part 2b of 3

Phase 2 continued
Ok..where was I? We are responsible for birthmother expenses once we agree to the match except for medical bills.

I asked our case worker if a birthmother could agree to a match with us through our agency and to another couple through another agency and collect money from both. I know, I can be pretty cynical, but you have to think of everything. I suppose they could always do this, but it is illegal to do so. A birthmother can only legally collect expenses from one source. If she does try to be sneaky and gets caught there are big penalties.

Then I asked our case worker what happens to those 10% of couples/people who are helping out all along and at the birth the birthmother changes her mind and decides to keep and raise the baby. Basically you are just SOL. First off, even if you could ask for it all back, the chances that she has any money laying around to give you are basically none. So good luck getting any. Second of all, it was charity to begin with so legally you can't ask or get any money back. I guess you just have to look at it like you helped someone out through tough times. Honestly, if this happens to us the last thing we will be thinking about is money. We will be so heart broken over coming so close and being so excited that we really won't care.

There is some help though. Once you have been through this and the birthmother changes her mind, you are placed on the "emergency" list if you so choose. This list is only for those people who have had a match fall through due to this scenario or if you ahve been waiting over 2 years. The emergency list is used for those birthmothers who did not have a plan for adoption in place prior to the birth and then decide to adopt. I am not 100% sure how you are chosen - I think it is still based on your profile and she gets to choose, but there are also times when she gives her requirements to the agency and then they pick based on numerous factors. Either way, the child has been born (but is still an infant, they get on board while the mother is still in the hospital immediately after birth or even a day or so before) and so when you are chosen and agree to the match, there are no living expenses at all. It ends up being a wash in the end money wise, but not stress wise.

The other thing our agency does is to forgive any legal expenses for that child. Once a match has been agreed upon, certain behind the scenes legal things occur with papers, court orders, and such. There are of course expenses for this that are not charged for until later. Any outstanding fees that have accrued for this specific match are forgiven and erased by our agency for us.

I think that is about it for phase 2. Phase 3 is up next....